#and i would love more stories that end positively in that sense bc our parents aren't trying to be stubborn or awful

[theghostofashton]

me, watching the first five eps of tslocg: i love bela so much she’s so real

me, watching 1x06: she is too real actually you can take her back

[atopvisenyashill]

So I came upon your blog while looking through the asoiaf tag and explored it a bit. Would you please explain to me how are you against Targaryen incest, but find Jonsa fine? I’m genuinely curious, as I’ve just started reading the books (I’m half-way through a storm of swords) and find nothing fine about any form of incest, whether it is or not considered as such in-universe. I also find little to no Jonsa moments. Could you help me? Thank you!

okay so first of all i got sent an ask forever ago about what the appeal of jonsa is and i’ve been working on explaining basically where i see the plot going and why it’s thematically relevant and is2g i’m still actually putting it together it’s just doing that in a middle of a reread is tough bc my ideas are kinda all over the place lmao (just like this ask is about to be sorry!) (also once again, sorry if my tone comes across very weird, i swear i reread like twelve times to make sure i don’t sound too snarky and wasn't just vomitting up a thousand words of nonsense lmao!!).

BUT. Well there’s three points to this: what the characters may feel, what i feel about jonsa, and what i feel about targ incest. so first the characters:

I think it’s important to point out that first cousin marriage (and auncle/nibling marriage, esp if it’s a “half” relation) are not considered true incest in westeros and in many parts of our world. rickard and lyra, ned’s parents, are cousins. joanna and tywin lannister are first cousins. jonnel and sansa and edric and serena are uncle/nieces, and you’ll note that when alys karstark comes to jon for help, he is disgusted that her uncle is trying to steal her inheritance and not that he’s her uncle attempting to marry her. i point this out because not only is there nothing legally stopping a jonsa marriage, the characters themselves may also see it that way (as not incest). and if your next point is “well they grew up thinking they’re siblings” my answer is - yes and? One of the influences on this series is Mervyn Peake, who wrote gothic medieval stories, and both incest and pseudo-incest is very much a big part of gothic stories! A lot of the storylines in this world are dedicated to exploring incest as a force of socialization and romanticism, from Naerys pleading to live “as brother and sister” and Aegon insisting “we already are” to Alysanne’s “Alyssa is meant for Baelon” to Jaime’s “he heard none of it" in the sept. I don’t think it’s that far of a stretch to posit that two characters we have POVs for will fall in love and grapple with what that love says about them, about society, about their role in the world - and in fact, about half of Jon’s most popular ships are between him and a female relative. Sansa makes more sense to me because she’s closer to his age than Arya, has a more troubled relationship with him, is involved in the political aspects of the story just as much as he is, and isn’t likely to immediately start setting people on fire after they meet.

Now as for me, basically - i think both types of incest are the result of socialization + extreme trauma, and I fully expect that if Jonsa goes canon it will have a tragic ending. I think Jonsa takes some of the inherent misogyny of targ incest and plays around with it - Jon having significantly less societal privilege than basically every other Targaryen and what that means for Sansa as an heiress - but just because I think an exploration of that dynamic will be interesting, doesn’t mean I don’t expect it to be rife with problems.

because the problem with incest is the power dynamic ultimately, and you cannot escape that power dynamic bc people don’t exist in a vacuum. For all the Starks have some fucked up skeletons in their closet, Lyanna doesn’t show up in Ned’s bed naked and ask him to stop her betrothal to Robert, does she? This is the fundamental difference between targ incest and Jonsa or even Lannicest; Lannicest is rampant with toxicity from both of those deranged weirdos but they feel entitled to each other's bodies because of their own trauma surrounding their tumultuous childhoods (and probably some normalization of incest from their parents and proximity to Aerys/Rhaella/Rhaegar), but no one is saying "Jaime you are owed Cersei's body" or "Cersei your womb belongs to your brother and your brother alone." So I don't feel the need to sit here and go "Lannicest is toxic" like yeah? Clearly, lmao, these two feel like they are so damaged, and made so special by that damage, that they can only love one another, that's not what anyone would call healthy. I don't think it's necessary to sit here and explain that dynamic has abuse problems; it's right there in the text!

"well what about the power dynamic between jon and sansa?" YES WHAT ABOUT IT. that's the point! i'm interested in how a dynamic that is inherently abusive will play out between two people who were raised to believe some types of incest are okay but not others, who are victims of abuse and societal alienation themselves. because at the same time that i condemn targ incest, there are obviously real feelings and genuine care in these relationships and in these people, because again, people don't exist in a vacuum. daemon backs rhaenyra into this corner and then crucially does not kill any of her children because he realizes that's a step too far, she'd never forgive it, perhaps even because he grew to love them (i mean, Lucerys and Joffrey likely barely remember any other father but Daemon!). maegor is a monster who very specifically never harms rhaena's daughters! aemon is a useless pos but it seems likely he had a hand in raising naerys' son to be better than aegon because he could see the harm he and his brother were doing to naerys even if aemon was too much of a coward to actually stop that harm in any meaningful way! the difference, to me, is that jon will see that this relationship built on trauma and grief may be the only love he and sansa will ever allow themselves to feel but it is not healthy for them, and jon will leave! and sansa will realize she is not the impassive, frozen, detached symbol that the men around her want her to be, but a living, breathing person with her own wants and desires and agency, and will let him go!

Ultimately, while i think romanticizing and sexualizing the taboo is fine and even healthy, for me, there has to be some acknowledgement that you are in fact romanticizing the taboo. This is why the shitty dudes in asoiaf work for me in a way shitty dudes outside of asoiaf don’t usually - my general bitching about parts of the narrative that don’t click for me aside, there’s firm condemnation of the people engaging in these behaviors, from cersei sexually abusing lancel to sandor creeping on sansa. just because the narrative also shows us and wants us to feel empathy for sandor and cersei and why they’ve become bad people doesn’t mean what they’re doing isn’t bad. that’s what i like! i don’t want a story that holds my hand and drags me to the moral nor do i want a story that presents a god awful person who is supposed to be morally upright and not mean for us to dig deeper into them!

(this is why i like the pt but not the st of star wars, if you want an example - for all the prequels are um. flawed. lucas has an overreaching story about the effects of war, slavery, and interpersonal abuse that he’s dedicated to, and we are meant to be horrified by anakin choking padme just as surely as we’re meant to mourn their relationship and love for each other when palpatine gleefully tells anakin she’s dead and ani destroys the room in grief. vs like. what were the sequels even fucking doing man).

So the thing here is that I actually do in fact find Targaryen incest interesting while being morally repugnant as a practice, and I'm positive Jonsa will play around with both the morality of incest and the romanticism of it in a way that I find just as interesting, varied, romantic, and fulfilling as like, the Jaime/Cersei(/Brienne/Tyrion) mess or the Daemon/Rhaenyra/Laena/Harwin debacle! I like incest and I also hate it! I contain multitudes!

[mrsparknamjoon]

01. the linchpin | reliability • kth

index | next

pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 1.900 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: a predictable mistake in buying shares becomes the perfect opportunity for taehyung to show everybody in the company no one is above his rules. what he didn’t know was that his plan would backfire making him question what the real meaning of trust is

A/N: this story began as a drabble bc i love dramatic scenes, whether in movies, television or books. confrontation is always one of my favorite things about them so i decided to try to write one for the first time ever. clearly i still have a lot to learn but i hope you like it!

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Another meeting, another group of incompetent people that I can't believe I hired. Sitting at the end of a long wood table, I scrolled through my phone reading a few emails while all the shareholders took their positions. It was absurd that I had to call a meeting on Friday night because of a predictable and, quite frankly, stupid mistake but here we were.

“Mr. Kim, we're ready” my secretary said discreetly as she handed me a folder filled with documents.

“Thank you” I replied as I got up from the chair and started spreading the papers on the table in front of me.

“Good evening! First, I would like to thank you all for coming on such short notice. The reason for this emergency meeting is to talk about the purchase of a few Min Industries shares” I paused and gazed into the eyes of everyone present. Some of them were curious, tired, others frightened and one in particular very angry.

“I believe all of you realized that ever since it happened our company has started to fall into devaluation, thanks to someone’s stupid and hasty decision” I continued while looking at the documents before me. “I don't want an explanation about what happened or why it happened, just how we are going to solve it” I turned and faced my main suspect, “Today”

“Mr. Kim, if I may, I think I speak for everyone here when I say that there is nothing legally wrong with the purchase” said Lee Sung, one of our oldest and most efficient lawyers. Still, it was a matter of principle for me and everyone knew that.

“I understand, Mr. Lee, but this is not what I'm worried about” I began calmly walking around the table while elaborating my thoughts, “You see... although Min Industries doesn’t compete directly with us they have affiliates who do. Therefore…”

“Therefore it’s smart to buy the shares precisely because it gives us more control over the affiliates” said Y/N, interrupting me.

I couldn't help the smirking that escaped my lips. Y/N took the bait and it was all I needed. From the beginning, I knew she was the one leading the expansion project and everything was going well until she put my credibility with Min Yoon Gi in check.

Yoon Gi and I are old friends, practically brothers, but our families have a particular rivalry that has lasted for almost 50 years. It is nothing that explicit or dramatic. An outsider wouldn't see the animosity, for example. I see it as a truce, however, it's still a delicate matter for our parents and grandparents. When we both took over the businesses, we agreed that we would not repeat their mistakes and promised to interfere as little as possible in each other's company. If it was strictly necessary, we would have to talk before any steps were taken. That was the deal and that is why I was furious at Y/N's audacity to make a decision like this one. She was aware of our family's situation even if not exactly about what I had promised my friend.

“Are you serious, miss Y/LN?”

“Why would I be kidding?” she replied looking confused, twisting the pen between her fingers like she was bored.

“I have no idea, but to call that a smart decision, one that immediately impacts my company's profit, not to mention my personal reputation, seems like a joke. And a bad one to say the least” I said, staring at her intensely as I approached her chair.

The atmosphere got heavy and I couldn't care less. I was right and everyone knew it. Y/N took a risk, as she is paid to do, but the risk was not worth it and she needed to take responsibility for it. If it was anyone else I would have already fired without even calling a meeting. Luckily, she's a key part of the company and one of the shareholders as well so I decided to scold her in front of others to send a subtle warning that nothing goes unnoticed by me and that measures will always be taken, regardless of the level of the hierarchy. This is my way to send a warning because I don't do threats.

Y/N gulped and shifted in her chair, visibly uncomfortable with my proximity.

“So I'm going to ask you again, miss Y/N: are you serious?” I crossed my arms and tilted my head to the side, watching her try very hard not to lose her composure. I had known Y/N for a long time and she always managed to be as cold as me, yet on occasions where her professionalism was questioned her replies used to be impulsive.

“Mr. Kim, I'll be frank” she started, standing up and walking towards the pulpit next to the projection screen. “It was indeed a risk on my part to put Vante Enterprises ahead of such a high-profile acquisition and, for the embarrassment caused, I sincerely apologize”

“Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming?” I asked, sitting on the chair that she left vacant.

“But"

“See?” I turned to Seo Nu sitting on my left. He laughed politely because I laughed first. Deep down he didn't think it was funny and just wanted to suck up to me. Clever.

“But I still believe that in the long run, we’ll reap great results… excellent results, in fact! Here's a chart” Y/N pointed at the screen in front of us and began to confidently defend her decision, clearly and calmly, completely different from the Y/N of a minute ago who I thought would lose her temper.

* * * * * * *

The meeting room broke out in applause as soon as Y/N finished presenting a chain of detailed information regarding the shares, and although I was surprised by the level of research she prepared, I was unable to hide my dissatisfaction as CEO by confirming that Y/N still didn't understand the problem.

“Could you guys excuse us?” I looked at Y/N and then at the other shareholders. Since the person responsible presented herself there was no need to keep putting on a show, right? I got up, buttoned my jacket, and returned to my original spot on the table to organize the papers I had left lying there.

While arranging them all in a pile, the room emptied and Y/N approached.

“You love to exaggerate things, don't you?” she snarled looking me up and down.

“You love to ignore the rules and interfere with what doesn't concern you, don't you?” I fired back mimicking her attitude.

Y/N stopped for a moment and studied my expression. For a split second, I could feel a question in the air as if she wanted to know if that's what I actually thought of her — a nosy and unprofessional person who ignored her superiors on purpose. I didn’t. She looked hurt. Still, her voice gave no indication that my response had affected her.

“I love my work! It's great and you pay me well” she said, taking the papers from my hand. “Oh, what do we have here?”

“Don't be childish, give me the papers Y/N” I motioned my hands and closed my eyes feeling exhausted.

“What are these projections? How come I have never seen them before?” Y/N's voice came out louder than before depicting a mixture of shock and disbelief. “There is no actual proof that these companies are connected, it doesn't make sense” she walked back to the pulpit, eyes glued to the documents to compare the numbers and references with the slides she had spent hours preparing.

“Y/N give me the papers, that information is above you” I demanded in a firm tone. “Besides, my intention with today's meeting was to get you to find a solution to your own mess but even that you weren't able to”

“How can I solve it if I don't have all the information, Tae Hyung?” Y/N lowered the papers she was gripping so tightly in front of her face and I could see red, teary eyes along with the angry tone in her voice. She hadn't called me Tae Hyung since college and that felt like a blow in my stomach.

“If I had known that the companies were connected I would have thought twice before buying the shares... I…” Y/N's voice failed but she cleared her throat and continued “...this is your fault!”

“Mine?” I asked dumbfounded.

“You left me in the dark and I made an important decision without having all the information” she pushed the papers onto my chest and started pulling the projector's wires angrily, “This is not what I call trust”

“Seriously? Are we going to talk about trust? Bit ironic, don’t you think?” I started chasing her around the room while she collected her belongings and threw them into a big purse.

Y/N snorted like what I just said was absurd.

“You know very well the situation between my family and Yoon Gi's. I always made it clear that we don't do business with them and yet you went there and did it” I placed my hand on top of her purse, preventing her from continuing what she was doing. “Where is my trust in you now?” I questioned her almost in a pleading tone.

Y/N pulled the purse off the table in one swift motion and I almost lost my balance.

“You know what? You're right. I was wrong” she said, looking defeated. “I shouldn't have shown interest in shares that involved Yoon Gi's company, but you definitely shouldn't have hidden these documents from me either” she continued taking a few steps back, slowly moving away from me. “And that's where you fucked up. You're still obsessed with secrets and rules, keeping everyone who tries to help you away"

“Wait a minute” I interjected. This was unfair, it was not like that.

“I'm not done talking” she gazed at me very seriously and I had no choice but to stop and listen. “I know that we have differing opinions on many things and I have teased you too much in the past 10 years with my analysis and requirements, but I never... I say never... would do anything that would harm the company”

“I know” I whispered, feeling kind of dumb for blurting it all out like that.

“It doesn't look like it” she placed the purse on her shoulder. “For me, you're trying to find a reason to get me out of here”

My jaw dropped in shock. Y/N had no idea how much I valued her work, and at this very moment, I didn't know what to say first. An apology? An explanation? A plea? I could have said anything, but I didn't. Not even a fucking sound. My mouth remained open as my thoughts flew through my mind at a frightening speed, making it look like I was confirming her impression.

“I’m gonna save you the trouble. I quit”

Y/N gave me what looked like a small bow or maybe a quick nod as if to excuse herself and then left the room without another word, leaving me leaning against the table without understanding what had just happened, finding myself, for the first time in a long time, completely alone.

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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 62 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 314 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

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RATE THE EPISODE 303 Responses

There was an interesting contrast this week between anime only viewers’ and manga readers’ reaction to the episode. Anime only viewers overwhelmingly felt positively about the episode. But for manga manga readers, many of the cuts in the anime dampened their enjoyment of the episode, and for some ruined it entirely. Still, overall, the episode got positive reception, even if it wasn’t overwhelmingly enthusiastic. 

a little rushed but still very enjoyable. it defo got the point across about Reiner's struggles

It was... Fine. I'll give it a solid 8/10 on emotional value and finally seeing these chapters animated. But accepting that the anime and manga are not the same and that there will be cuts is hard.

Wasn't very good. The cut scenes really hurt the pacing and overall story.

i thought the pacing was way too fast :(

Stunning. Beautiful 

Another great episode. My only criticisms are the music that was used at the beginning of the episode, which didn't really work, and the cuts but I understand why that had to happen.

Disappointing

Impeccable. The adaption was both efficient and emotionally effective. Zero misses so far - I'm officially a MAPPA ho. 

Really great! Feels different from the manga and makes me excited for future episodes, because even if it's not perfect, we will always have the original material + some fun new scenes that the anime is adding, can't wait for more

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 304 Responses

The much-anticipated scene where we learn amputee-kun is actually Eren was the most favored of the episode, with 37.5% of the vote. Following behind that with more narrow margins were the introduction to Marley’s titans, Annie and Reiner’s fight and Reiner’s suicide attempt. 

The first part was very rushed and I wasn't as impressed by it. But I was very impressed by the second part of the episode once the warrior kids made it to paradise. I also very much enjoyed how they animated the scene of Annie taking out her anger on Reiner after Marcel's death. There was just something about the use of colours that really appealed to me. 

The Reiner and Annie fight and Reiner's suicide disturbed me a lot more this time around, partially because I haven't read the chapters in a while, but this is easily one of my favorite episodes now.

WE GOT THE FULL ED LAST WEEK. AFTER SEEING IT IN ITS ENTIRETY, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT NOW? 294 Responses

The majority of the fandom are enjoying the new ending, with 65.6% loving both the song and the animation. 11.2% are enjoying the song… but not so much the animation. 11.9% feel that it’s “just okay.” Some are enjoying the animation, but not the song, and a few more dislike both. 

The song and the animation are truly beautiful and gorgeous. I couldn't imagine better. It is always so peaceful after the full of emotions episode. 

Beautiful song, although the bit with the streaks of shiny animation look like 480p and are a little boring. 

I didn't see it 

Bold of you to assume I watch the EDs and don't just skim ahead to the preview.

i'm not interested in the ending

There was a half ED?

ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 5, HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY THE SEQUENCE INTRODUCING ALL OF MARLEY’S TITANS? 303 Responses

A very tiny fraction of voters weren’t impressed with the way MAPPA executed the scene that introduces us to the Marley titans and why each warrior was picked for the titans they received. However, the majority of respondents felt very positively about the scene, with 221 even feeling they, too, will become a titan as a result of the awesomeness. 

I really liked the marley titan montage but why the hell were the female titan's boobs so big? It looked so out of poportion

It was awesome and I loved the introduction to the Titans

OUT OF ALL THE TITANS THE MARLEY MILITARY HAD 9 YEARS AGO, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE? 299 Responses

Whether it’s for practicality or aesthetic reasons, we all have different titans that appeal to us more than others. This race was a close one, with the Female Titan holding on just slightly over the Jaw Titan in terms of favoritism. The Armored Titan came in at a distant third with the Beast Titan and Colossal closely behind. Only a very small fraction would like to inherit the Cart Titan from Piku-chan.

WHICH OG WARRIOR CANDIDATE WOULD YOU WANT TO ADOPT? 299 Responses

Overall, the majority (29.1%) wouldn’t want to adopt any of the OG warrior crew, whether because the responsibility is too much or because they don’t like kids at all (or perhaps, a missing third option being they don’t like any of them). But for those who would happily take on one of the OG warrior kiddos, 24.1% would most like to take Reiner home (and probably give him lots of hugs). 21.1% adore little Pieck and would shower her with parental love forever. 9.7% probably want to pinch little Bertolt’s cheeks, and 8.4% wish they’d adopted Annie instead of her father.

A LOT OF THE SHIGANSHINA BREACH HAS REUSED WIT ANIMATION FROM PAST EPISODES - THOUGHTS? 303 Responses

The majority of respondents felt positively enough about seeing WIT’s S1 style mixed in with MAPPA’s, with 42.9% feeling it flowed together well enough, and 26.4% understanding why they didn’t reanimate the event (despite preferring it if they had). 11.2% don’t care at all, and 8.6% think it was way too jarring. There are some who are reminded that they miss WIT’s style, and others who have a continued appreciation for MAPPA.

KAJI YUKI HAS LOWERED HIS VOICE A BIT TO DEPICT AN OLDER EREN. THOUGHTS? 301 Responses

Overall, nearly everyone seems to be pleased with Kaji Yuki’s more “mature” sounding Eren, with 76.4% feeling he is portraying an older and more jaded Eren perfectly. 11.6% are lost in their lust for a 2D drawing and are focused entirely on that (we understand lol). A few are simply indifferent to the lower tone, and a smaller percentage just prefer Eren’s voice prior to the timeskip. 

Anime onlys can spot him more difficult, which I like

Made sense to me, he’s not a teenager anymore after all, plus works better for this “new” Eren who’s less angry and shouty all the time.

I didn't even notice lol

Eren is adult so changing his voice was a very good choice. I like his new sound.

It was stupid that he ever talked so low before now. He was fifteen and he sounded like an adult, well they all do that bc it's standard anime shit but it makes it even harder when they become real adults.

NOW HE REALLY SOUNDS LIKE KENMA 🔥

WE’VE LOST COUNT OF HOW MANY TIMES WE’VE SEEN MARCEL GET EATEN. BUT OF THE OPTIONS BELOW, WHO DID IT BEST? 296 Responses

Seeing Marcel get eaten 2000 times seems to be a running gag at this point, so naturally we had to include this question. Whether it’s recency bias or objectively true, 44.6% feel that MAPPA’s take on Marcel’s death was the best. 30.4% feel that Isayama’s more recent art style truly does Marcel the most justice. 14.2% liked the way WIT Studio portrayed the scene and 10.8% like Isayama’s older, more grungy art style.

RIP Marcel

DO YOU THINK THAT REINER WAS CORRECT, THAT MARLEY WOULD HAVE HAD ALL OF RBA EATEN IF THEY HAD FOUND YMIR AND RETURNED HOME IMMEDIATELY? 292 Responses

In the hypothetical scenario that Reiner hadn’t convinced Annie and Bertolt to stay on the island, the majority feel that Reiner was wrong in his assessment that they would be executed practically on-site. 55.1% believe that the idea would have been out in the open, but ultimately rejected. Though, 35.6% feel that Marley is too ruthless and uncaring toward Eldians to care what the situation is, and would absolutely hand over their titans to others deemed more capable. Very few felt Marley would be understanding by default. Many write-ins feel that Reiner is the only one who would have been executed for the failure. 

Depends on if B/A emphasize that it was Reiner’s fault rather than their own.

If all of RBA got eaten then I think they wouldn’t use kids for their next attempt. Maybe teens around the age RBA were after training in Paradis military

Magath would have pointed out how wasteful it would have been, but probably even him couldn't have saved reiner

He was wrong. What would be the point of feeding them to other children, if they were the best candidates? Too much of work. 

Reiner said that there's a possibility that they couldn't find Ymir even if they try. He has a point. But I don't think Marley would have RBA eaten even if they lose Jaw.

They wouldn't go through with it because they seem to lack other qualified warrior candidates.

I think Magath and maybe Zeke would have tried to convince the government to not go through with it and that Reiner might have been the only one sacrificed.

Obviously. They would have indisputable proof that sending a bunch of kids to carry out a massively important mission is the dumbest shit they could have ever done and immediately they'd put the titans into older soldiers.

They'd let them live a few more years just for propaganda and used them for other battles, then they'd have them killed around their midterm.

Possibly, but they put a lot of time, effort, and money into training their warriors. It would be a big decision to execute all of them and start over. Maybe they would have executed Reiner as an example.

WHAT’S THE FORECAST FOR TONIGHT? 295 Responses

In our least-serious question of the poll, we asked you guys to try and predict the weather based on Bertolt’s sleeping pose. 18.3% believe his legs-on-the-wall pose means clear skies, 13.9% are certain it means rain. 13.6% are confident in an overcast night. At 11.5% foresee storms coming and 11.2% think it’s gonna be snow. 18% are probably just annoyed with the question. A few write-ins pointed out that Bertolt was, indeed, sleeping in the Hanged Man Pose.

It’s gonna be partly guilt ridden old man with a 90% chance of suicide by hanging

Blood and guts

HOW IS THAT EVEN COMFORTABLE?

Let's just call it hail

Hanged man posture, dreamed about the old man

raining titans

No one can make me like the warriors even if I don't blame them for what they were forced to do as kids. idc what quirky habits they have.

There'll be clear skies for some time but don't be deceived, heavy rain is incoming

This was amazing because it's a reference to The Hanging Man on Tarot cards: he's willingly being hanged for his sins. Look it up, it's so cool.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MAPPA CUTTING A GOOD CHUNK OF REINER’S TRAINING? 302 Responses

With only 20(ish) minutes to fit in all of Reiner’s backstory, cuts were inevitable. MAPPA made the decision to nerf most of Reiner’s struggles training as a Warrior Cadet (among a couple other more lengthy scenes during and after the wall breach). 62.9% are sad that some of these scenes didn’t make the cut, but also understand that we can’t have it all. 13.2% actually preferred seeing Reiner’s backstory in MAPPA’s condensed version, while 12.9% feel it completely ruins the characterization of the warriors.

I don't even remember what was cut 😂

Slightly ruined the warriors’ characterisations (especially Reiner’s)

I thought they could have shown a bit more about Reiner's underdog, it's something that really made me sympathise with him in the manga. 

Kinda disappointed, since some scenes were essential for a little background on their lives

Honestly, even after all the cuts and the restrains it tells the story of a "warrior", Reiner.

Mappa fucked RBA backstory and I would bet it's because they are biased towards Eren and 104th...

I wouldn't say it ruined their characterisation, but it did leave it a lot more shallow. I would've loved to see those scenes animated, but I also realise that things will have to be cut to fit everything in, and I think these cuts still preserve the forward momentum of the story reasonably well. 

The important scenes were animated, so it's good that way

MAPPA cannot animate every panel and the best will be, if fandom finally understands that. Every episode has limited amount of time and MAPPA is doing everything they can to make episodes good and easy to understand for anime onlies. I was fine with cutting because I know that episodes aren't long and there are more important stuff to animate than every part of training.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT NOT SEEING ANNIE PARTICIPATING IN THE FIRST WALL BREACH? 298 Responses

MAPPA completely glossed over Annie’s role in the wall breach, showing her being choked by Reiner and then waking up in the refugee camp later. 40.9% state they would have preferred seeing Annie play her part in the mission, though they accept that it isn’t there. 34.6% are concerned that those who don’t read the manga will just be confused as to where Annie was during all of the chaos (Oh no! Did RB leave her passed out in the fields!?). 16.1% are simply just disappointed altogether. A small fraction felt it wasn’t necessary anyway and have no problems with the cut. 

I feel kinda iffy about it because that was one of my favorite parts of the chapter, but oh well... it is what it is.

Kenny's scene should be eliminated.

I mean it's not like the female titan could destroy the walls herself. I think nobody expects it and then her absence makes sense

Yams did an oopsie in the first place retconing 

It really confused me lol for a moment I completely forgot what she even did in the manga and had to reread

KNOWING NOW THAT ANNIE IS ACTUALLY ADOPTED, DOES THE JOKE ABOUT HER BEING KENNY’S LOST DAUGHTER HIT DIFFERENTLY NOW? 299 Responses

We learn after Annie comes out of the crystal that her father is actually an adoptive parent. Annie, in an attempt to cover up why she’s stalking Kenny in the underground, claims (or jokes) that she was born to a brothel worker and is Kenny’s lost daughter. We asked if this made the joke any less funny to readers, though most of them didn’t think so at all. Only 14% of respondents say the new knowledge actually makes it a little sad. Some people forgot entirely that Annie is adopted and voiced their confusion in the write-ins. 

wait,,,,, she.,,,, she's adopted ??? wha- how did i completely forget about this

Kenny's gay anyway so it's impossible! Sorry, Annie :/

I don't really get this joke tbh 😅 Do people think she and Kenny look alike?

We're all Kenny's lost daughter

It just brings into question her true parentage, like how she can scream summon other Titans and if that’s a royal blood thing or not. But probably doesn’t matter since it hasn’t come up in the manga yet 

I hadn't thought about it before today.

She's adopted?!?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MAPPA’S EXECUTION OF REINER’S ATTEMPTED SUICIDE? 302 Responses

With such a weighty scene, execution is of utmost importance. So we were curious if you guys felt that MAPPA hit the mark. Overall, MAPPA’s take on this scene got positive responses from the fandom, with 42.4% feeling they felt about the same as they did when the scene came up in the manga. 26.5% actually thought that MAPPA did a better job with the scene, whereas 26.2% felt that Isayama’s original take on the scene is still superior. 

I think that while the manga's intent is for the reader to feel Reiner's pain and emotions during what he thought were his last moments, the anime focuses much more on making it disturbing and depressing (both taking into account the same things, just choosing to highlight different aspects of the scene). Not a bad change but I prefer the manga's portayal, it made me feel so much more attached to Reiner

Actual scene was good, but the build up was lacking.

I really liked the flipping back and forth 

Not nearly as emotional as I expected

The lighting was so good in the anime version. 

Bruh we needed the flashbacks cause they depicted Reiner's journey and regrets

I think it was more impactful in the manga, but MAPPA did it amazing too

The scene looked more serious but the building of the characters didn't live up for the moment. 

It impacted me differently than in the manga. I prefer the manga scene, but the anime's was still really good

I was worried about it being overly censored so I’m glad it wasn’t 

The execution was about the same, but it had a bigger impact when you read it for the first time

The drool was a great touch

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING CUTS WERE YOU DISAPPOINTED DIDN’T MAKE THE EPISODE? 292 Responses

While we shouldn’t dwell on cuts too much, there will still be things that people are disappointed didn’t make it into the anime. The scenes which were most missed this week were Annie’s role in the wall breach, Reiner passing along a tired Annie over to Bertolt atop the wall, RBA discussing their infiltration plans in the field (also known as the tree-uprooting scene), seeing Bertolt, Annie and Marcel surpassing Reiner in their training, and Reiner breaking up Eren and Jean’s fight (noticing Annie is exhausted). Well, at least the manga still exists, right?

I wish they didnt cut some of the flashbacks right before Reiner tried to kill himself. 

Really great episode, but Bertholdt looking up at the wall before breaking it was such an iconic panel, I'm a bit sad

Any cuts are a negative. I dont care how much it makes sense for the anime onlies, I just wish they somehow incorporate some of the small slice of life scenes that made the Marley arc special.

Truly loved it despite cuts and pacing, but just wish we could’ve seen that tree uprooting scene!

I still hold the sentiment that Mappa is cutting way too much from these episodes. The amount of small details getting cut from every chapter/episode results in losing out on smaller moments that in my opinion have a real impact. While I understand a 1 to 1 replica might not be possible, the amount of cuts is too much imo. Missing out on nearly all of RBA assaulting Shiganshina was a huge disappointment, and less Falco and Gabi scenes makes it tough for me to connect to them. Talking to my Anime-only friends though, they are very into this season, so I'm glad to hear it works for them. 

I'm not necessarily sad they cut so much, I feel like as an Anime only I wouldn't have noticed! The only thing I wish that had been kept was Annie's involvement in the destruction of wall Maria. 

I was sad they cut stuff but that’s inevitable.  The only cut I’m sad about is the scene before Bertholdt  breaks the wall.

some of the cuts made sense, some made other scenes kind of occur out of nowhere, like annie with kenny.

SO FAR, WE’VE LOST A FEW INTERACTIONS BETWEEN FALCO AND GABI AND SOME MOMENTS WHERE FALCO IS BLUSHING OVER HER. DO YOU THINK THIS WILL LESSEN THE IMPACT OF HIS EVENTUAL LOVE CONFESSION TO HER? 296 Responses

While the Falbi romance isn’t a major focal point of the series, it does play a big part in their storyline and overall character development as their involvement in the plot increases. MAPPA has had to let a few scenes go, so we were curious if manga readers felt it would lessen the impact of Falco’s inevitable confession just before the rumbling starts. 31.4% feel that the anime is doing just fine at portraying Falco’s feelings. 28.4% feel the impact will be lessened, but that it’s fine due to it being a minor plot point anyway. 14.5% are upset about the missing pieces and 11.8% think MAPPA will make up for it later. Smaller groups of voters either don’t understand why Falco likes Gabi or just don’t care. 

I'm more dissapointed about Zofia and Udo getting cut than those two.

Kid romance is lame anyway

It's not gonna hit like the manga but it's still pretty important plot imo

What works on paper doesn't always work animated, they're doing ok 

I hate gabi gahh

It is obvious he likes her anyway

Not really, they've established he has a big crush on her since he pretty much came out and told it to Eren

DO YOU THINK MAPPA DID A GOOD JOB OF HIDING EREN IN PLAIN SIGHT? 297 Responses

We failed to ask this question last week, but it still applied well to this week’s episode. When it came to anime only fans, we wondered whether manga readers felt MAPPA did a good job at making him as mysterious to anime watchers as Isayama did to us manga readers. 40.1% felt that MAPPA did a great job, as many anime watchers didn’t seem to catch on. 25.6% feel that they didn’t do any worse or better than Isayama did. 13.8% feel MAPPA did not do as well as Isayama, as some anime watchers easily caught on. 9.4% think they did completely awful at pretending it’s not Eren. Some write-ins felt we couldn’t objectively judge this as we already knew it was Eren anyway. 

I think the voice gave it away the most. The sneaky animation was great! 

Hard to answer because chapters were a month apart while episodes are weekly and I’ve already read the manga when it came out

well, I can't say much about this. since I know he is eren, I was just focusing on how Kaji Yuki will handle this important speech

They even didn't try to hide him. I'm disappointed because I wanted anime onlines to feel what we - manga readers - felt, when after few chapters we found that the hobo man was Eren. 

I honestly didn't even realize he was supposed to be hidden from the readers/viewers at this point. It was so obviously him in the manga and the anime. Genuinely confused by how many people did not catch on. 

Watching some reactors they were like "...wait...that *looks* like Eren...but his leg is amputated...his leg would've grown back??" but as soon as you heard his voice it was instantaneous 

I, being a manga reader, had a hard time getting how you couldn't see that it was Eren, but some of my friend only got it at the last scene.

Hard to say. WIth the manga, it took me a few reads to catch on, but now that I KNOW, it's hard to say anything.

Yes, I'm watching the episodes with my anime-only friend and he still hasn't figured it out

I think they did a good job, but with anime being the medium it was easier to guess due to both hair/eye color and voice.

It was nice, I was actually surprised that some of my anime only friends didn't even realize that it was Eren talking to Falco this episode

When Eren was finally revealed in the manga, I was *shocked! I had *no clue that was him! I think the anime did a great job, but of course had to reveal him sooner. It was perfect both in manga and anime imo.

It's obviously him once you see his eyes, but I don't think that the animation team were trying to make it a big shock reveal, they want this scene to say "this is probably Eren, but can you be 100% sure" to keep anime onlys engaged and reassure them that the main cast is still relevant.

Yes, but the manga hid him better, it took me way too long to realise it was him while reading

HOW WAS KAJI YUKI’S DELIVERY ON EREN’S SPEECH TO FALCO? 299 Responses

The vast majority of respondents were very pleased with Kaji Yuji’s delivery on one of Eren’s most prominent speeches. 38.1% felt it was exactly as they had hoped it would be. 28.1% were extremely happy, and feel that any delivery by Kaji Yuki as Eren will be 100% spot-on. 24.7% are simply just content with it. Smaller fragments of respondents just wanted to voice their thirst, or felt that the delivery could have been better. 

Better than I could have ever imagined

I don't really care

Eren is the best main character ever

Not my native language so I can't really tell how good it is, but Kaji's delivery seemed about right

It was a bit fast but good

Very good. You get a real sense of how clueless but trying to be tough Eren really is.

EREN TELLS FALCO HE HOPES FALCO LIVES A LONG LIFE. KNOWING WHAT WE DO NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HIM SAYING THIS? 298 Responses

Eren already knows he will bring destruction upon the world, so it’s a wonder why he would bother telling Falco he hopes Falco will have a long life. 64.8% believe that he truly means it from the bottom of his heart, despite knowing his future actions will likely affect Falco. 10.7% believe he said this because he has already seen that Falco will survive the Rumbling. 10.1% aren’t really sure what to make of it at all. Smaller numbers of people think Eren was only trying to gain Falco’s trust and didn’t mean it at all, or believe that Falco will take part in Eren’s eventual demise and Eren is already aware of that. 

He saw him in his memories so imma believe what he says

I'm sure there is part of Eren that hopes for a good long life for Falco. Just like there was part of him that couldn't help but save the refugee kid. But that doesn't mean he isn't any less dedicated to his plan to genocide a whole lot of people. He has his conflicts, but in the end he's still going ahead with the attack on the square and later with the rumbling.

I think it's the same deal as him saving the immigrant kid when he knew that he would die in the rumbling.

In an ideal world Eren would want *everyone* to live a long life--he's been portrayed as someone who cries and disassociates while he commits his genocide so we're meant to understand he doesn't enjoy it. Sadly it doesn't matter what he hopes or wants when he's decided murdering everyone is what has to be done..

THE PREVIEW SHOWED PIECK AND PORCO NEXT TO REINER AT THE DAYTIME FESTIVAL. THIS WAS NOT IN THE MANGA. WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS MEANS ABOUT POSSIBLE ANIME-ONLY ADDITIONS? 298 Responses

Many of our respondents seem to be looking forward to Pieck and Porco’s inclusion in the daytime festival. 47% are hopeful that this will mean some wholesome bonding scenes between the Warriors and the kids. 26.5% don’t know what to make of it, but are looking forward to it nonetheless. A handful of people think it will be similar to how WIT included Sasha in the Clash arc - adding minor details without changing anything in the story-line. 7% wish that MAPPA wasn’t doing this at all, and 5% are hopeful this means that MAPPA will find a way to repurpose Pieck crawling on all fours next episode. 

I still want Pieck butt

IN THAT SAME VEIN, IT SEEMS LIKE EPISODE 4 WILL ADAPT CHAPTERS 97 AND 98, ENDING ON THE FINAL PANEL OF 98. HOWEVER, THE VAST MAJORITY OF CHAPTER 97 WAS ALREADY ADAPTED IN LAST WEEK’S EPISODE. WHAT WILL THIS MEAN FOR EPISODE 4? 293 Responses

Who wants to place bets on the contents of next episode? While the largest chunk of people don’t know what to expect in episode 4, others are happy to speculate. 19.8% feel (or are at least hopeful) that MAPPA will fill in some screen time by repurposing already-skipped scenes. 19.1% feel that there will be minor additions, but not too much. A solid 16% feel that there will be a few anime only additions during the daytime festival. 10.9% are placing bets that episode 4 will actually bleed into chapter 100 before the end.

Mappa won't have to cut a lot of stuff like they did to ep 3

The title "From One Hand to Another" immediately made me think we would actually be getting Eren grasping Reiner's hand and transforming at the end (meaning chapters 100 and 101), but that's just so much. The title may just refer to Magath and Willy's handshake. 

What about just enjoying the show?

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 298 Responses

As expected of the fandom! Reiner and Eren’s reunion is the most anticipated scene for episode 4, with 74.8% having voted for that. 17.1% are most looking forward to the daytime festival, and 6% are excited to meet Willy in anime form for the first time. One commenter is very invested in the banquet and how it’s executed. 

Not this ep but if they cut the Udo and Kiyomi scene I'll RIOT!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I'm upset so much was cut from Reiner's backstory but the cinematography is freakin' excellent I can't even complain

*cheers MAPPA animators for their hard work* ... Perfect for anime onlies, I think. Made me almost wish I hadn't read the manga so I wouldn't have missed the cut scenes.

Cuts aside, the animation was much better than the previous episodes. 

"The one scene I really wanted was Bertholdt looking over the wall and seeing the EMA trio. Of all the cuts, I think that was the only one that was damaging to the story. I also kind of wish that MAPPA animated the reused scenes. I kind of like comparing and contrasting the animation styles of both studios so its a bit of shame that we didn't get anything new from Episode 1.

I'm really impressed with how much MAPPA is managing to squeeze in each episode and I'm content that Reiner's flashback was covered in a single episode rather than two. It just makes sense pacing-wise. The only real criticism I have is that in the flashback scenes where everyone is supposed to be 12 years old, they don't sound 12 at all. Their voices are way too mature, especially the males, and I understand they're voiced by adults, but I feel like they could have at least tried to sound more like kids. Other than that, great episode.

Elaborating on the missing content: they really shouldn’t have cut Annie’s transformation prior to wall Maria being breached. It makes it look like Reiner choked her out and then a minute later bert was kicking the wall through. 

I'm in the boat, where i think it wouldve been better if Mappa didnt cut out so much, but considering what there is to cover, we will live,but i hope they dont end up butchering everything Also the bit with reiner’s dad would be confusing to anime-onlies since it cross-cuts between that scene and him on the parade. I’ve seen some reactors think it was a daydream, or that he left during the parade. 

It was quite rushed, but I understand why they did it, the flashback wouldn't have been as impactful over 2 episodes, and I do think when the Marley arc was first introduced in the manga, manga readers were quite inpatient to get back to the main cast, so they might be feeding off that feedback. 

Mappa has become my favorite studio of all time. Not just in regards to anime, but studios in general. Their discography is on another level (imo) and the fact that on top of every other masterpiece they’ve made, they’re doing an outstanding job with my favorite series of all time just solidifies them as the first and probably the only anime studio that I can truly Stan.

Lots of (I think) Important stuff cut, but the meat is still in place. I like my meat to be juicy and marbled, while Mappa cut out all the fat that makes for a flavorful meal. I completely understand why and I am apathetic about it.

disliked the fact the wall breach was so quickly glossed over, and the transition between mappa and wit style was jarring to say the least

Regardless of the cuts, i think it flows together nicely. The anime has always been more speedy than the manga so i kind of expected this. I don't think it'll get as bad as s3 part 1 in terms of pacing. I trust in Mappa, so far i haven't been disappointed at all. The animation and backgrounds are absolutely stunning. That warrior titan sequence was incredibly well done. Props to the animators!

It was a bit confusing mishmash of scenes, but there were some good moments sprinkled in like the introduction of all of Marley's titans. The emotional reactions, however, just weren't the same as they were when reading the manga, to be honest.

I’m really glad they cut the part with RBA hanging onto Female/Armoured neck by a rope. That whole thing seemed stupid to me. Doesn’t match up with previous chapters and I feel like SOMEONE would have noticed two kids hanging onto the Armoured Titan’s neck. 

I think MAPPA is doing a really good job so far, can't wait to see the battle in Liberio. I'm not bothered at all with the CG titans because firstly, they look really good, and secondly, I understand why they had to do it. I also hope they don't censor many things or cut out some dark scenes that are important to the season because I would love to see everything animated. 

Felt like watching a recap episode... And it wasn't supposed to be one, so

I'm really dissapointed that mappa cut so many things from manga. Reiner's backstory is my favoure part of snk. Suicide scene completly lacks impact. 

I really dislike the fact that MAPPA is trying to show only bad side of the marleyan officers. They removed the gate guards, they removed the scene where Magath is telling RBA to stay safe (on Paradis). One of the best parts of the manga is showing that the both races (Eldians and Marleyans) have good and bad sides. By removing positive aspects of Marleyans MAPPA is creating totally different picture. This way the anime onlines may find the whole rumbling even more justified. The episode was pretty good and the OST has made some scenes to feel more dark and serious (especially the moment where the new titans are introduced), but sometimes I feel like the characters are speaking and acting way too fast. I was waiting for the scene with Kenny and Annie, but it took only like few second and was cut. I love MAPPA's version of Kenny. He has more serious aura and looks more like his manga counterpart. In other words;  wrinkled grandpa with skinny neck :) 

It honestly wasn’t my favorite, but I still loved it. I feel as though they skipped around a lot and there wasn’t a lot of scenes that actually tied together and I’m worried anime only watchers might get confused. Definitely some of the stuff I wanted to see animated didn’t make the cut, but I still love the animation style, the characters and the story!

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 285 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again next episode.

[roughlytwentytwofrogs]

so I'm thinkin again, so it's a personal rant and I'm on phone so no read more. I think you can press j? on pc to skip to the end of the post?

abuse tw by the way, I'm going to talk about my father and how my childhood with him shaped me (and my sister? i guess, i can't do without talking about her)

so tldr, my father was an asshole. My half sister from his first marriage left the house when she was 17 because he hit her in the face one too many times and her professor decided to send her to the cops after she came at school with a black eye (that's only pretty recently that i learned that, during most of my teenage years - i was 11 when she left, she was the one who had decided to leave with her weed smoking bf) A little story bc that's a pretty important part in what I'm thinking about.

Last year, after almost 9 years without contact, I called her and we spoke for a few hours about well, p much everything, and at some point, we were talking about our father's misogyny and how it affected us.

Like, we were both not very traditionally feminine. I was always a tomboy, and she was into the alt fashions. And she said something about how growing up with my father and his constant mockery of feminine things (trucs de gonzesse, pédés, etc) made her hate her own feminity. And that's something that hit me hard, i guess? If i look in my wardrobe, the clothes dating from before the whole process that started with getting kicked out in november 2018, then my sister contacting me to tell me my father got thrown out too and the divorce and that phonecall and all of the things that went with it and after, they're all the more masculine ones, and after that it's sarouels and more shapeless neutral and feminine clothing.

I think for a while i was (and probably still am, since I'm only thinking about this rn) in a process of if it has anything to do with my father, it must go. But I'm not happy with it, these past two years have coincidentally been the ones I've struggled a lot with my own image and yeah, that makes sense, i don't wear clothes i enjoy wearing, I just throw on stuff in the morning and that's it. I've even tried to buy a sundress last summer i guess as some kind of what if? but the tag is still on it.

And the more i think about it, the more i feel like, even if i can explain it partly because of that experience i have of "everything too feminine is shameful", it doesn't make it any less of a positive thing in my life? Because it doesn't feel shameful anymore, it just feels like something that i don't necessarily enjoy or find attractive.

And on top of the whole being laid back and romantic and liking cute animals and cooking that don't fit the social expectations of being masculine, i guess that's also part of why i refused and got spooked of calling myself butch and identifying with the word.

And yeah, i feel the getting strong to protect part too. Since I'm a teen I've been pushing iron at my rowing club, i stepped a lot between my father and my siblings, i even took a few hits defending my mother. Last time i saw him, i got a nice black eye for defending my mother when he started getting aggressive about her contacting her parents (he's cut off our contact with them at around the same time as my half sister left, in 2012).

It just slowly adds up whenever i start thinking about different aspects of the butch identity. I just need to learn that I don't have to banish him and refuse the consequences he had on my life and my point of view on myself and the world. He's my father, his influence shaped a good part of my personality.

I'm soft and laid back because he was angry and aggressive. I don't like conflict and shouting because that's what my life was with him. I'm understanding because he was paranoid. I enjoy being around people because he was violently anti social. I want freedom and to make my own rules and cannot stand jealousy because he was controlling and sabotaging all of our friendships. I can't count how many friends I've lost because he started shit with their parents, he's kept us away from my mother's side of the family for 9 years. I'm an extreme people pleaser because he was very hard to please and selfish.

And on the less positive side, i have a really hard time accepting gifts because it was used against me all my childhood to make me do things for them that i didn't want to. I'm unlearning that pretty well, but i had a hard time being wrong or being in a position of knowing less about something than the person I'm talking with. Nowadays i feel like I've made huge progress with it, and listening to people and learning from them is something i actually enjoy a lot. My reaction to anger and frustration is isolation and silence because i have an actual fear of becoming violent like my father. I know it's irrational, I know I'm not about to break someone's nose because they ate the last fries or smtg. I guess I've just heard so many excuses about how he lost control and how it's natural and shit like that that deep down it convinced me of something and I'm afraid of myself? i don't know that sounds even more irrational when i put it into words.

I built myself against him instead of with him like a normal kid would. I shouldn't be afraid of that, that's who i am, that's who i grew up to be and that's the qualities i learned to value in life because they were rare in my family. That doesn't make it less important and valid than a child who learned to love by watching their parents loving each other and them.

I guess a lot of my self worth problems stem from that. I don't feel like myself, and I've been coping with that by calling that feeling stupid and running head first towards anything that I've seen other people thrive with trying to search for my own happy place when in the end, it's been right there all along, i just have to look back with acceptance instead of anger.

[wiinterrose]

          ( xavier serrano , cis male , he / him, 23 ) no way ! i swear i saw 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒 walking down danforth avenue ! i just saw a post about them on 6secrets ! i think it said something like “𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝟓 𝐀𝐌 : 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 ?”. isn’t that wild ? i guess that makes sense since they’re apparently 𝐃𝐔𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐒 and 𝐂𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆. fans will claim that they’re 𝐎𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂 and 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂.  i mean , it’s not like i know them personally — they’re a famous 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 / 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐁𝐄𝐑. whenever i think of them, i think of 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐓-𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐒, 𝐔𝐍𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐘 𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐋𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐒, & 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐓 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒. i wish i would have asked for an autograph ! ( oliver, they / them, 22, est ).

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

— mikey was born and raised in winnipeg because i think it’s funny when characters are from winnipeg. if you’re from winnipeg i’m so sorry. definitely was born on the coldest day of that year ( so like some point in january )

— but because of those long, cold harsh winters, mikey found himself in a dance studio a lot. his aunt was a dance teacher and with rather absent parents who meant well but both had long hours at the local hospital, he spent a lot of time with her. he fell in love with dance pretty early on, always having a certain fluidity and grace even when he was young.

— random but he also played hockey up until he was like 16 or whatever because he’s canadian and i’m not stupid. it happened. he can still skate tho. in a slightly different life he probably would have been a pretty good figure skater huh 🤔🤔🤔 but anyway...

— also feel like it makes sense that he did gymnastics. and trained in classical ballet.

— he went to university of toronto for college, studying kinesology and dance, and danced at one of the prestigious studios in the city.

— his big break moment was when in his sophomore year at ut, he made it onto the second season of world of dance in early 2017 ( lets pretend that show has been on longer than it has bc i don’t want it to be the first season of it sldk ). he made it all the way to the finals and quickly become a fan favorite along the way. though he ultimately placed second and missed out on the million dollars, that was the beginning of many doors opening for him. ( for those who, might have the vaguest clue what i’m talking about : i’m highkey feeling like, michael dameski style which is an idea i had after i named him michael so don’t @ me for him having the same first name ).

— millions watched that show, including some prominent agents and scouts who were able to help him launch a professional dance career : something he never thought he’d see himself actually doing. his first big gig was making the dance team for some singer’s north american tour, and he ended up not returning to ut to pursue a professional dance career full time. since then he’s danced in a few music videos for some uber famous musican ( same one he went on tour with or not idk ?? also a wc ?? maybe ?? ), a tv show, couple movies, and other various gigs around the city. he works part time at a studio when he has time, and has been honing his choreography skills as well.

— he makes enough dancing, but certainly not enough to make him RICH. no, that come from an impromptu vlog he did while on tour with aforementioned singer. having already garnered a following from world of dance, he soon rose to youtube fame as well, something he never could have predicted. i feel like his videos are very just, day in a life with various random athletic challenges mixed in, and various workout and flexibility tips. he also still does pieces and duets with other prominent dancers just for fun too. his natural charisma and attitude really just carries him through easily lmao.

— mikey developed a bit of a habit of sleeping around when he left for college, all the newfound freedom was just intoxicating and well. he was hot so. it wasn’t like it was hard alsdkjf. that stuck around well into his blossoming dance career. nothing that was enough to be scandalous, but he made his way around. and then a year and a half into this unforeseen new life, he met matthew glass.

— he’d had a couple serious relationships before, one in high school, one his freshman year of college but neither of them could hold a flame to what he felt when he was with matt. perfection wasn’t something mikey believed in, but he almost did with what they had.

— it was like for over a year and a half he lived in this insane dream, and then mikey and matt broke up and he was devastated ( behind closed doors and with curtains pulled tightly shut ).

— he then proceeded to broadcast how perfectly fine he was doing by going back to his old ways and sleeping around obsessively, this time with very little regard as to how many headlines he was making. as far as coping mechanisms go, i guess sex is better than alcohol ?? not to say he wasn’t also drunk at times l o l.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂

— mikey gets around. has definitely been trying to forget matty with other warm bodies but honestly it’s not working

— very bi. very much does not care. if the world didn’t know he was before, it definitely does now lmao. he hasn’t come out in the sense he’s like posted a video about it and said “i’m bisexual” but it’s pretty obvious from the media and maybe he has gotten asked in interviews and has just shrugged and been like does it matter ?? i’m sorry he’s not the vocal bi ally we need. perhaps we will work on that.

— hasn’t dated anyone since matt bc he’s highkey lowkey still hung up on him but no one needs to know that right. outwardly, he’s very much the same : seemingly happy, but he’s a lot more careful with his heart and letting people close to him. if anything he’s become a bit of a two-way mirror, always seeing out but never really letting people see in, just what they want to see.

— probably goes without saying but extremely flexible. idk if any of you know who juuse saros is but apparently he can twerk in a split and i’m not saying mikey can but like. he just might be able to...

— straight up does not get cold. never wears more than a hoodie, probably danced shirtless in the middle of winter just fine. at least being from winnipeg is good for one ( 1 ) thing.

— i feel like people call him flower. idk guys. maybe im just thinking too much abt hockey goalies.

— always posting on instagram stories. u kno the type.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

— he tends to be extremely underestimated as he comes across a bit dumb and generally has a pretty positive outlook on life which people confuse for him being naive when that isn’t the case. but he’s found he can use that it his advantage and that sometimes, people will tell him things they think he can’t understand but he hears and remembers everything. it’s helped him out of a few difficult situations before.

— i feel like he has a bit of ethan dolan’s personality & dumbass energy idk guys...

— live in the moment kind of dude. his motto is probably like : you just gotta know what you want to do next. i mean looking back on his life it’s been pretty crazy and that’s only solidified his outlook that like, you really can’t control too much. just let it go where it takes you.

— people do like him though and they like talking to him for whatever reason. generally has pretty trustworthy vibes but he’s more slippery than he comes across. he’s a selfish person at heart and always has his own best interests in mind, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first.

— extroverted. i think ??

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

— 6′1″. chocolate brown eyes. curly brown hair. he has a lithe but extremely fit build due to his career. his core strength is especially impressive.

— he has a monochromatic lineart tattoo of a rose on his left forearm / wrist and a butterfly ( again monochromatic & just lineart ) on his right shoulder. small scar at the base of his neck by his ear from an unfortunate hockey accident.

— needs glasses but usually only wears contacts unless he’s in his apartment late at night.

— he’s not overly fashionable, going more for comfort than how he generally looks. on a regular day, he’s probably got the whole... college athlete look going if you know what i mean. a big fan of mirrored aviator sunglasses. wouldn’t know what dressing up meant even if it slapped him in the face.

— PINTEREST BOARD

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

first and foremost i want to say that i like to vibe and brainstorm with people to come up with unique connections between our characters but here are a few ideas :

— ( f ) a close friend he has had on his channel a few times and fans passionately ship them but they’re really just good friends. maybe they play into the drama a few times as well tho. — the singer whose tour he danced on — singer whose music videos he’s been in — mayhaps even actors for that tv show / movie he was in ( v small role but whatevs. maybe they just Vibed yknow ) — flirtationship 😔 — always ye ol good hookup l o l — we keep running into each other idk maybe we should talk ??

TAKEN CONNECTIONS PAGE HERE

𝐎𝐎𝐂

         hey guys, i’m ollie. my intros are either written really eloquently or a big mess bc im trying to rub together a couple braincells at 1 am and whatever comes out, comes out. no need to guess which category this one falls into lmAO. anyway, i’m a slow plotter bc i’m easily overwhelmed trying to do too many things at once but i swear i will try to get to as many people as i can. and yeah this entire character is inspired by my love of world of dance don’t @ me... if u made it all the way down here u should watch this bc 😳 & mikey has the same athleticism and strength.

[metalbatandzenko]

All of them. All the questions.

oof

1. Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

I have sliding doors on my closet so it’s one open one closed.

2. Do You Have Freckles?

Nope!

3. Can You Whistle?

Nope (:

4. Last Song You Listened To.

I...don’t remember lmao, I think it was 6 Inch by Beyonce

5. What Is Your Favorite Color?

I don’t know if I have one tbh.

6. Relationship Status.

Currently juggling seven reply guys bc rona has everyone acting out of line, but single.

7. What Is The Temperature Right Now?

46º

8. Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Yes sdkjfhdlkf

9. How Many Followers?

215.

10. Zodiac Sign.

Aries/Aries/Cancer.

11. What Is Your Eye Color?

Brown.

12. Take A Vitamin Daily?

No.

13. Do You Sing In The Shower?

Yes, usually it’s Mitski or songs from musicals because you know. Former theater kid.

14. What Books Are You Reading?

The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch.

15. Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“As in earlier days” from the poem The Walk by Thomas Hardy

16. Favorite Anime?

OPM is the only anime I watch. Being Japanese American and fem aligned means having. Not great associations with anime tbh.

17. Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried in front of someone

WAIT YES I DO

It was November 23rd and my little cousin and I watched Over the Garden Wall. Both of us cried at the end.

18. Do You Collect Anything?

I have a knife collection and an old rock collection from when I was younger. I also unintentionally have a major makeup collection. My lipstick collection is borderline embarrassing. In my defense it started in 7th grade.

19. What Did You Have For Lunch?

I uh. I didn’t have lunch skfjhdsljfh

20. Do You Dance In The Car?

I do!

21. Favorite Animal?

Dude I fucking love crows.

22. Do You Watch The Olympics?

Some of them! My mom was really athletic growing up (as in one of those kids that plays a sport every season in high school), so she watches a lot of them. We tend to watch figure skating (which I know little about but have strong opinions on), gymnastics, synchronized swimming, track, and judo.

23. What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Usually I’m in bed by 11 but I don’t go to sleep until 2am. Recently I’ve been getting to sleep at 7am.

24. Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

It is currently three in the morning so no akslkjsahd

25. Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

Ocean. I grew up in Northern California near the coast, and now I’m in a landlocked state. And you can kind of feel it, you know? The air doesn’t smell like salt and redwoods, the mountains aren’t there to hold up the sky so you just feel it pressing down on your chest. I miss the ocean.

26. Favorite Tumblr Blog?

I don’t know if I have a favorite. erikkillmongerdontpullout is funny and insightful, and I love dostoevskydocs’ poetry compilations.

27. Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

I grew up somewhere with access to really good tap water, so I’ll go with that.

28. What Makes You Happy?

Writing, spending time with friends, the feeling of dappled sunlight through the tree canopy.

29. Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

30. Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

With :)

31. Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs but I love cats too!

32. If You Were A Crayon What Color Would You Be?

Moss green!

33. PlayStation Or Xbox.

Xbox.

34. Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Ocean. I don’t trust lakes.

35. Do You Believe In Magic?

I believe in the supernatural, I don’t know if magic’s the right word. It’s more like a belief that there’s something more to the world than what we’re able to perceive. 

36. What Color Shirt Are You Wearing?

Charcoal grey.

37. Can You Curl Your Tongue?

Yes! I can also make my tongue into a clover.

38. Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

A bit of both. I can be pretty frugal when I’m by myself but I inherited the need to pay for everything for my friends from my mom, so if my friends are around, I will try to muscle my way into paying for everything. This is usually unsuccessful bc my friends are in the same boat.

39. Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Yes. I’ve got a pink water bottle on my bedstand.

40. Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

I mean. OPM lkjshdflkjdh I’ve been hyperfixating on it, but I also am pretty obsessed with OTGW (I have been for years).

41. Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

No but I’ve had a few land on me.

42. Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

Depends on the person. Overall, I’d say no, but my friends have significant sway over me.

43. Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yes.

44. Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

I actually do. But only for short flights. Anything longer than 4 hours makes my body really hurt.

45. Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Moana.

46. Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds!

47. If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

Orville Peck or Carseat Headrest.

48. Are You A Picky Eater?

Nope!

49. Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Yeah.

50. Do You Fear Thunder/Lightning?

No, I actually love them. I sleep best when it’s thundering.

51. Do You Like To Read/Write?

Yes to both. I’m a Creative Writing major so dkljfhljkdf

52. Do You Like Your Music Loud?

Yeah! Though not as loud as some people, my ears are sensitive.

53. Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Wrap presents. I’m not a big fan of the smell of pumpkin, and wrapping presents is a tradition for my mom, brother and I. We’d put on some music, drink some hot chocolate, and wrap as many as possible. Then my brother and I would smuggle some wrapping paper to our rooms and wrap our mom’s gift.

54. Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

Somebody that I Used to Know-Gotye (listen the song still slaps)

55. What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Winter/Spring transition. It hailed for 15 minutes straight yesterday.

56. What Are You Craving Right Now?

A popeyes 5 piece spicy chicken meal with fries and ranch. Can you tell I’ve thought about this?

57. Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

I don’t wanna.

58. What Is Your Gender?

Nonbinary, but vaguely girl adjacent. 

59. Coffee Or Tea?

I think coffee. I drink more tea, but I also drink exclusively green tea and chai (like the traditional chai made with milk not the chai teabags) and I really am not a black/white/earl grey tea person.

60. Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

OOF Yeah I do

I’ve got a thousand word readers response to “The Other Boat” by E. M. Foster, a one thousand word journal about WWI, a reflective journal check in and a powerpoint I have to make for Sense and Sensibility for Brit Lit and I also am tutoring a few of my classmates

In my biological anthropology class I’ve got a Unit Exam and a few lectures to watch

For my internship/Teachers Assistant position I’ve got 17 10 page rough drafts to read and give in depth comments on as well as a portfolio I have to assemble for next year’s TA bc I’m transferring, phone meetings with the 17 students who wrote those rough drafts, and I’ve gotta compile some resources for my professor

I need to finish my memoir for my independent study and I have to present. my nonfiction memoir. to my classmates. on Zoom. I’m one of two people doing a nonfiction memoir for their independent study the rest are doing fiction, poetry or a literary analysis paper so like. My classmates are gonna be talking about their fiction piece and then I’m gonna be giving a 15 minute reading and Q&A about a piece that focuses on my trauma and being hate crimed so that’s fun.

I also gotta get some stuff done for my school’s lit magazine.

61. What Is Your Sexuality?

A known bisexual™

62. Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

I try to but I forget.

63. Favorite Pokémon?

Togepi, Blissey and Togekiss.

64. Favorite Social Media?

I hate to say it but it’s tumblr.

65. What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

If it’s longer than six stories, I’m not watching it. Unless I know they’re gonna be fun or we’re really close then I will.

66. Do You Get Homesick?

A bit. I’m still really homesick for my hometown tbh because that’s where all my family except for my parents are. I’m really close with my extended family, so being isolated from them feels like there’s an emptiness at my side.

67. Are You A Virgin?

No.

68. What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Redken Frizz Dismiss. I got those big fucking bottles you can get at Ulta where it’s like a gallon of shampoo so I haven’t had to buy any in over a year.

69. If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

I’ve slept in my car before and I will do so again most likely. Also $60 is too much to spend for a motel room.

70. Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yes. Though I’m much closer to my mom than my dad.

71. Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Idk shit about movies tbh.

72. Do You Miss Your Ex?

One of them yes, the others no. But the one I miss I also acknowledge is someone who had their place in my life at the time and helped me through some rough shit, but no longer has a place in my life. I appreciate the hell out of him though, and we’re on good terms.

73. What Is Your Favorite Quote Right Now?

I’ve got two!

“I don’t know how to stay tender with this much blood in my mouth” –Ophelia, Hamlet

and

"Suffering feels religious if you do it right." –Chelsea Hodson

74.  What Eye Color Do You Find Sexiest?

Brown. Especially the almost black-brown eyes.

75. Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Yes to both.

76. What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

Chocolate covered pretzels ljhflfsd

77. What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

Toon Blast and 2048.

78. Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Holy shit I hate this question. Yes, of course I would. I don’t know why mentioning that the person is homeless is relevant. Homeless people are not somehow less worthy of CPR?? What the fuck.

79. Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

...yes

80. Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

I’ve briefly skimmed over someone’s page after meeting them but I don’t lurk.

81. Do You Like Meeting New People?

Depends on my mood.

82. Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

I hate my hands so this was pushing it.

83. Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Closed.

84. What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Corrected papers, walked my dog, did some writing.

85. What Do You Wear To Bed?

T-shirt and shorts.

86. List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

Dude I can’t do that I have too many, I’ve been buying makeup for 7 years and I used to work next to a sephora

My makeup routine pre-rona was:

Sephora brand moisturizer

Milk Hydrogrip primer

Fenty Pro Filtr Hydrating Foundation

Maybelline Age Rewind Concealer

Anastasia Brow Definer

Glossier Cloud Paint

Fenty Sunstalkr Bronzer

Fenty Liquid Flyliner

Fenty Flypencil

Fenty Full Frontal Mascara

Fenty Glossbomb

It’s...an expensive routine.

87. Are You A Day Or Night Person?

Night to early morning.

88. List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

I answered this one and I don’t want to reanswer it tbh ldkjfhds

89. Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

I genuinely can’t remember any of my dreams right now. I remember a snippet of one where I was in a cave and I looked at the wall and I could see water running down it, reflecting in the torchlight but that’s literally it.

90. Favorite Soda Drink?

I’m a big pomegranate person, so Italian soda’s my go to.

91. What Sounds Are Your Favorite?

The sizzle of meat hitting a hot wok, rain, hail, thunder, the crunch of dry leaves. I also love the sound of Simone de Rochefort’s laugh. It’s so good.

92. Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans.

93. How Do You Look Right Now?

Shitty.

94. Name Something That Relaxes You.

Skyrim ldskjfhd

95. What Tattoo Do You Want?

I really want to get my family’s mon on my ribcage and my mom’s Japanese name somewhere. I don’t know how my pain tolerance is but if I can handle it, I’d want to get at least a partial sleeve.

96. Favorite YouTuber?

Polygon and Watcher.

[coe-lilium]

TroS reaction (1st view)

Necessary premise in bullet points:

- I liked TFA when it came out and still do but as I dug into the franchise/canon (Disney only by choice) my enjoyment of it became more lukewarm. Came out of it dreading a potential Reylo but liking the two charas on their own. 

- went into TLJ worried I’d hate it, came out with it being my favorite saga movie and sold on the Rey-Ren connection, whatever road it would’ve taken. Loved the “Rey’s powerful on her own/bc the Force wants to set Kylo’s wrongs right”. It felt good after two years of being bombarded with “this fucking Mary Sue can have any power only if she’s connected to powerful men of the saga, she has otherwise no right in being powerful” in forums spaces.    

- went into TroS non-spoiled, wary of Palpatine return but relatively hopeful if soured about the “JJ our lord and saviour pleease save us from evil evil Jonhson” (HA!). The rumors about lore from the tv series being featured into the movie had me excited.  

That said, here goes: [SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE, ENDING INCLUDED, RIGHT OFF THE BAT]

I didn’t like it. I really hope to warm up to it more in future views, there’s absolutely stuff I liked or even loved, but as it stands now it was overall a massive disappointment on many sides and -worst of all- threatens to retroactively ruin my enjoyment in other previous stories. 

First, the positives: 

- Parentage notwithstanding, Rey was good. Her rage, her fears, her good heart, her commitment to the fight and the training, her longing for guidance… truly, if the bloodline revelation hadn’t retroactively ruined my investment in the character and themes I’d have fully, 100% loved her even if every single other part of the movie had been the same. 

Except for a brief war flashback to Starkiller game abilities (I lolled) I wasn’t even troubled by all the new abilities or their scope. Movies’ been inventing new powers since the beginning and the Force does what the Force wants. Again, fuck the genetics “twist”, garbage stuff. 

- Kylo, next to… 95% that involved him? TLJ did a great job selling him to me and surprisingly this movie added to that instead of retconning it away. More competent but still stupid and petty from time to time. I’m glad he came back, glad he choose right and glad he was allowed more time on the right side than Anakin. I love redemptions and he was portrayed as wavering the entire trilogy, I don’t even really care that it could’ve done better. I’m happy for him and his family, that’s all. The kiss got a laugh out me but not a malicious one, I was kind of running out of reasonable reactions by then. 

I’m just conflicted on how I feel about his death. Back when TFA was released I wanted him to survive to face what Anakin didn’t: justice (the kid-friendly setting prevented a death sentence anyway), atonement and growth from there, I still wish it happened and maintain that a different pacing would’ve allowed it. On the other hand, I’m also kinda okay with him dying. He righted at least a bit of his many wrongs, he saved a person he cared for, that his parents cared for and that could help the galaxy much more than he ever could and he was at peace. It was a good death.      

- Kylo’s vision/illusion of Han. A surprise but a very pleasant, well acted one. Would’ve I maybe liked Anakin more, as Ben idolized him so much and for all the wrong reasons and because I love that disaster? Yes. Does Han work much better in the economy of the movie and trilogy story and do he and Ben have a much rawer relationship and history? Absolutely. I am a teeny tiny bit baffled as  for why Luke didn’t also show up, but the actual scene was good enough I forgive it.  

- Rey and Kylo bond and connection was one of the saving graces of this mess and I utterly loved it. Both actors worked their asses for for all their scenes and it payed off, oh if it payed off. Their DSII duel was perhaps a tad long but great nonetheless (Republic era Jedi jumps!), the hurt and the sense of absolute loss and grief they both conveyed -and shared!- after Leia’s passing was incredible, Rey regretting the near kill and softly going “I would have stayed, had you renounced the dark side”. She cared, yes, but not to the point of ignoring the horrors (something Anakin never quite understood). The “dyad” stuff was a bit overkill, just call it a force bond, we can see it’s freaking powerful, but the Force Skype and sharing of objects that came with the package, that I loved. Surprise lightsaber, Ren fuckers! :D Bet Anakin and Obi Wan were really jealous, that would’ve come in handy during the war.       

- Finn was now fully invested in the cause, at ease, visibly happy to be with his friends, ready to bond and reach out, quick to plan, to act and to adapt to the situation, brave but cautious and calculating. I wish it was given a bit more focus, but I loved he found other young FO defectors. Also fuck yeah, he’s force sensitive and his ability is used, not just thrown in as a useless wink. Jedi Finn in future material, c’mon!

- Poe’s also grown. He was probably going to have more screen time with Leia had Carrie not died but there was nothing to be done for that. I’m not as happy as for previous 3 charas for the backstory retcon I’ll tackle in the negatives.

- Jannah was cool, the addiction of other FO defectors a welcomed one and the scene were she and Finn excitedly went over their “I broke free” moment was adorable. Good bean, I’d read more about her and her company. 

- A bit lot annoyed at Bloodline being kinda tossed outta the window but getting Leia with lightsaber was nice. Give me some ancillary material to deal with the clash and I’ll fully forgive it. 

- Jedi! MY GIRL AHSOKA MY MAN KANAN! I mean, I sure wish they were in a better movie, but hey, recognition for something more than the OT? No slandering of the Order but all of them collectively kicking Sidious ass once and for all? I’ll gladly take it. Anakin, my dude, I’m sorry your sacrifice was next to nullified but it was good to hear you again ;_;  I didn’t hear Ezra’s voice anywhere so I can still hope he’s alive, well and with the Ascendancy teaching all their Navigators. “I am all the Jedi” remains a terrible line. 

And now, oh boi. Here comes the long list of annoying - bad - stinking shit stuff: 

- If I wanted to watch a 2 and half long videogame cutscenes I’d have done that in the comfort of my home without spending money for tickets. Go to level x to retrieve related macguffin, move to next level to get next macguffin and so on and so on. I liked close to everything in the DS II sequences, but what would’ve that dagger pointed at if the wreckage had fallen even a little bit differently?   

In general, many plot points gave me the feeling they were stolen from the tv series and badly executed, like a mockery (or incompetence?). Case in point: Hux betraying the 1st Order out of personal, spiteful hate? Potentially good! The execution? A poor man’s Rebels Agent Kallus, already over in little more than 5minutes. 

- Palpatine himself is a poorly, ridiculously poorly executed Maul resurrection storyline from tcw and rebels. 

Because Maul was 1. explained and 2. got a good, long arc that made you forgive the undoubtably contrived ass-pull it took to bring him back while Sidious is just… there. You gotta accept it because the writer said so. 

How did he survive? We don’t know and fuck you if you expect an explanation (they really had the absolute galls to have him say the iconic/meme line from Rots and apparently it was supposed to be enough?!) How could he “have all Sith reside inside me” when canon’s clear that Sith do-not-get-to-retain-their-individuality-in-the-Force, do not work well together (lmao) and he as an individual never gave a shit about the Sith except when they could serve his own personal desires? His entire approach to the rule of two and other Sith stuff is “fuck that noise, everything in the galaxy exist to serve me”. He’s fine dying as long as “the Sith rule”? Who IS this character, because he’s not Darth Sidious (as presented in Disney’s own canon, mind). Oh, you wanted explanations? FUCK YOU, screams the movie. 

The mess gets somehow salvaged in the end as he comes to his senses and siphon the life out of Rey and Ben to de-rotten/revive himself to rule in person, now *that* was in character. Was he actually lying his ass off the entire time waiting for the moment he could siphon them? Hopefully but who the hell even knows.

In the end it just wasn’t worth bring him back. A holocron, a different Sith, even a hive-mind of old records/tainted wraiths of Sith (perhaps wearing Palps face to buy the old empire aficionados loyalty, idk) would’ve been better than “actually, Anakin suffered nearly his entire life and sacrificed himself for barely more than 25 years of peace and it still wasn’t enough to rid the galaxy of the monster who destroyed his and countless other lives”. But Johnson was the one shitting on beloved characters legacy and accomplishments, uh? Surely at least he’s got company. 

Ian was clearly having a blast, so there was… that? And the initial sequence being legit creepy and the Sith storm or whatever the fuck was that. That can stay, it was cool.     

- Poe, the latino character, got retconned from former Republic pilot (a backstory established before TFA came out and faithfully respected ever since) into a smuggler and gang member. Classy. What does Lucaslfilm have a story group for if not for stopping stuff like this from happening? Bonus Zorii being used for a “no homo! homo? no homo?” wink wink and for generally being a poor man Solo’s Qi’ra.   

- The movie makes you worry for a character death three (3) times in a row only to immediately backpedal on it. The survivors are grieving, the scene is sober… and then suddenly! they’re alive! isn’t it wonderful? let’s insert a comical scene now that we’re at it! Sigh.   

- The whole Threepio stuff was a contrived waste of time in a movie already full of more relevant plot treads that could’ve put that screen time to better use. 

- Rey’s parents apparently aren’t assholes anymore bc they sold her into slavery to protect her from Sidious, which is… supposed to make it alright, a sacrifice in the name of love? If they had been shown trying to give her to a trusted person and then she was kidnapped that wouldn’t had been their fault, just unfortunate, but the movie shows them leaving their 5yo daughter with her in-all-but-name slaver so?? 

- Rey Palpatine… Rey. Palpatine. Gesù Cristo benedetto che minchia mi è toccato di vedere. That hurt. That was so hilariously over the top bad I just…I started laughing. On top of the entire thing, thank you so, soo much for validating all those fucking assholes who demanded Rey be connected to a powerful man in the saga to accept her powers and value, you hack. Jedi were never about power of blood and then you went and reinforced the very opposite. She ain’t powerful bc the Force recognized her as worthy to stop evil and chose to aid her anymore, she’s powerful bc grandfather was. Lovely stuff. Hilariously, now she has a lot more legit “Mary Sue” traits than before. 

- Rose’s sidelining was a blatant bow to her and her actress haters whims. If in VIII she jumped at the chance of action, now she was fearful and “had to stay behind” studying maps. Fuck that noise. 

- Even if she rejected it, underline is that the Skywalker line is wiped out and the Palpatine one thrives. I… just… wtf wtf wtf. A final “Just Rey” would’ve been more powerful -because now it would’ve been reclaimed- and less corny and in poor taste than a Palpatine taking on the Skywalker name. I’m not sure if Sidious is more offended or if he’s laughing his ass off in space!hell. Probably the 2nd. Bad.      

- The final scene on Tatooine. It rang so empty because the planet brings warm memories only to the audience, not the characters. In-universe, that place brought nothing but misery to the Skywalkers: Anakin and Shmi were brought there as slaves and lived as such for years, Shmi was tortured to death and Anakin began his descent into the dark for crying out loud. Luke had to hide and saw his relatives murdered. Leia had no connection whatsoever to the place. The mera idea of burying Anakin Skywalker lightsaber into the sands of Tatooine and considering it a way of paying respect is… I don’t know, hilariously in bad taste? Rey, dear, what did you have personally against the guy? Put those sabers to rest on Naboo! Ah, but we can’t truly acknowledge the PT now, can we? Wack.   

- It’s not TroS complete fault, that “honor” mostly sit at TFA’s feet but for all its omages, copies and almost slavish references, from a in-universe point of view it’s like the OT barely occurred. 

The same evil man has been defeated (until next time?), the Republic must be rebuilt from scratch, a evil military is all over the place and must be dealt with, the Jedi Order has to be rebuilt… it’s depressing. A new evil taking advantage of the empire leftovers would’ve been one thing, but Sidious? He’s been effectively winning nonstop ever since he was elected Chancellor. He had all the power, all the influence, all the control and he maintained it all even as a rotten corpse in exile, the entire galaxy marching on his tune, controlled by his strings. And as the cherry on top of the cake he even managed to wipe out the family that could’ve, should have been his undoing! He effectively destroyed the Skywalkers. He outlived every Jedi, every survivor, every clone. I hate this. It’s sickening. I can’t even be happy Rex was on Endor anymore.      

In general, the best word I can find for this movie is: coward. 

So blatantly desperate to please, to be “forgiven”, to reference every single irrelevant thing -except the PT and the TV series in a intelligent way-, to throw fanservice after fanservice after fanservice no matter how nonsensical from all over that crossed the “corny” to wander into embarrassing territory many times over (Maz giving Chewie a medal outta nowhere? Come the fuck on now). 

The cartoon series had twenty time the guts of this movie and I vehemently wish for Filoni to take the helm of the entire creative team in a very near future.                  

[roominthecastle]

Ok so since you’re a believer/supporter of Agnes Gate I have this question. Lizzy’s memories were wiped, but how do you explain Red? What does he know/suspect? How do you explain his behavior? Where does he stand in all this? Hope you got my point because I’m sick and I’ve lost my ability to think clearly and transform thoughts into words 🤒😂

*cracks knuckles*

Yes, you’re coming across clearly, anon, these are all valid points/questions, and I hope you’re feeling better.

Now “believer” is a strong word but I do believe there’s enough wiggle room in current show canon to accommodate this theory. In other words (bc I really don’t want anyone to misunderstand me here): there’s still enough story space for this idea to emerge but there is no direct, overt proof that it is there or that it will.

So consider what follows NOT a proof post but a simple, albeit long AF - thought experiment that presupposes two things:

Liz and Red slept together while on the run (canonically that’s the period when Agnes was conceived)

Liz’s memory of this has been either altered or removed by Dr. Krilov

Now, behavior was, in fact, the one thing that initially put me off this theory bc I didn’t think Red would be willing to just step aside if he suspected he might be the baby’s father. BUT the following seasons revealed a couple of good reasons why he would not speak up (Kirk and the never-ending list of other hostiles, Liz’s “I hate your guts” phase, Liz clinging to Tom, Liz’s selective memory - courtesy of Krilov, fake-DG & the issue of the suitcase, an illness).

They also continued to show just how apt both Red and Liz are to not deal with stuff that’s not an immediate threat (e.g. Liz’s ‘I love you’ which they both willingly continue to just not address), and the thing is: despite not contesting paternity in any overt way, Red never actually stepped aside.

I think this paternity issue and its various complications - from Red’s perspective - can be separated into 4 major time blocks:

S3B

S4

S5A

S5B–present

Even if there’s a reason for Red to think he might be Agnes’ father, I don’t believe he works off anything more than mild suspicions in the S3B–S5A period.

During this time, his relationship with Liz is rapidly unraveling and several other roadblocks and threats emerge that likely discourage him from openly broaching this issue. Then he gets to raise Agnes for 10 months, which provides the perfect opportunity to safely run a paternity test and maybe even another genetic screening (they made a point of telling us that baby Agnes was getting a standard one back in S3 + it was emphasized how having the correct info about her parents’ medical history is crucial for accurate testing - info Tom couldn’t provide). The beginning of Red’s collaboration with Dr. Stark roughly dates back to the time period when he had Agnes with him. If Red has a hereditary (late-onset) illness, he could have been driven to seek a cure once the tests confirmed his suspicions, and he’s now testing it on himself to make sure it works and is safe before giving it to Agnes.

IF.

– more on all this behind the cut – (apologies, mobile users)

- [ S3B ] -

Confirmation of the pregnancy is a wedge between Liz and Red, and it’s Red who screws up first when he rejects the baby right off the bat and tries to bury himself in work. It understandably hurts Liz and the tense tone of their interactions begins to snowball. The main issue concerning Red’s behavior in S3B, right after Liz tells him that she’s pregnant and he bounces back from his initial rejection, is that he becomes “suffocating” and more committed than ever to keep her and the baby in his orbit (which also alarms and later sets off Mr. Kaplan). Red has little sense of boundary, he starts isolating Liz, and he barely tolerates Tom’s presence. When he makes an effort to tolerate him, that’s bc he is trying his best to respect Liz’s choices/wishes (just like in “Ruin”) regardless of his own feelings, but it doesn’t prevent him from repeatedly trying to push Tom out of the picture. He saves him from going to prison but he still has a hard time dealing with Liz having a close relationship with him. This also echoes his original plans for Tom: being there for her but also keeping his distance. This, in turn, echoes his original “invisible benefactor” role he cast himself in (and both of them clearly crossed these lines as the years went by – more on this later).

Despite telling her that he’s known about the pregnancy for some time, Red does not act out until after Liz doesn’t deny that Tom is the father. Red knew about the pregnancy already, he had weeks to vent and get used to the idea, so his spiraling is kind of puzzling unless it’s not the pregnancy itself that sets him off. The only thing he wasn’t sure about was paternity (why?), so the only emotionally logical reason for his weird spiral is that part of him was still hoping that the baby was not Tom’s (tho, in theory, nobody else was in proximity other than the two of them + a more closer look at the timeline reveals that Tom was, in fact, nowhere near Liz when the baby was conceived).

But when Liz didn’t deny it, that’s when it became too much for Red: he didn’t want to have a child (for several reasons) but what he wanted even less was Tom to be confirmed as the father. Then his entire outlook on this subject changes by the end of the episode (after reminding himself how Katarina, too, dreaded having a baby but changed her mind completely). This also brings that Samar/Aram conversation to mind where she tells Aram how being around him changed her attitude towards having children, but now she cannot raise one bc of her condition.

But back to 312 and the “I’m pregnant” moment:

This whole conversation is just weird. Red is tense from the moment he sees Liz at the Post Office, then feeds her the answer to his own question, presenting it as a statement: “I assume Tom is the father.” Why not just give her the opportunity to name him? What this feels like is him giving her an out instead, and his closed-off, prickly, I-am-being-very-inconvenienced-by-this behavior (and Tom’s enthusiasm) is practically willing Liz to take it. And she hesitates for a moment, then instead of saying “yes” she just says, “I haven’t told him yet.” And this is where Red’s barely civil behavior veers into total assholery rejection, then he does a 180 at the end of the episode. By then Liz is sufficiently pissed off and is already pushing him away and sliding back into Tom’s arms. So in many ways ep 312 is where things truly turn and then get worse, and it all happens over Tom, essentially.

After this fallout, we get the episode where Red is thinking back to Josephine who was maneuvered into marrying an abusive scumbag for strategic reasons (as usual, we have parallels too). It was all arranged by a third party, which reminds me of Mr. Kaplan referring to Tom as her “confidant”, which makes me wonder about the extent of their off-screen interaction. Mr. Kaplan was doing everything to tear Red and Liz apart bc she saw that bond as fatal to both and a danger to the baby. Maybe she arranged that 2nd session w/ Krilov (who might have planted images that switched Red and Tom like he did w/ the fire memory where the roles were switched around), then she tipped Tom off, urging him to rekindle his relationship w/ Liz (his proposal was so out of the blue, I still don’t know what to do w/ that).

When Liz wants to give up the baby for adoption, she is told that she has to discuss this with the father, too, as his consent is also needed. Liz says the father is busy with work, then she has 0 conversation about this w/ Tom and goes to Red who, now being very pro having the baby, tries to talk her out of it. He also sabotages Tom’s teacher job and, at the same time, swoops in and presents Liz with a trust fund he set up for the baby, insisting that it’s for the child. As far as symbolic actions go, this one is screaming “I am the provider, not him”. And if it’s not clear enough, he also spells it out by telling her Tom’s not worthy of being her husband and of raising the baby. But it’s too late. Liz rejects him and clings to Tom. She even re-watches the video of Tom being interviewed as a potential adoptive father, which we saw in S1. Liz has been show to chat with potential adoptive parents, so her watching Tom’s adoption agency interview kinda makes it look like she picks Tom to “adopt” Agnes.

S3B is the time period when the threat from Kirk starts emerging. Mr. Kaplan also begins to view Red and Liz’s bond as sth to sever and Red himself as a threat to Agnes, saying that the baby hasn’t even been born yet but is “already paying the price for her association” with him. Then Liz kicks Red out when he asks to see the newborn baby, and soon after Liz’s “death”, Tom tells him that Agnes would only need protection if Red remained in her life. The three of them manage to gaslight Red to such an extent that he completely breaks down. He begins to contemplate ending it all and wanders around, cataloging the reasons.

And that episode-long contemplation is where we get to see (his version of) Katarina in this exact position, her pain at losing the man she loved at a time when there was so much anger and tension btw them, at not being able to raise her daughter, and all her reasoning for committing suicide (all paralleling Red’s). We can also glimpse Red’s innermost thoughts/feelings regarding Liz, Agnes, and Tom. He says “her mother is dead. All she has is the father.” Somehow he cannot bring himself to call Tom “her father” and this is reflected in future real-life interactions w/ Tom as well, when he switches between calling Agnes “Elizabeth’s child” and “your daughter” in his presence. Liz similarly switches btw calling Agnes “my” and “our” around Tom, and initially she refuses to refer to Agnes as anything but “my baby” even after Tom corrects her. It’s almost like both she and Red need some time to adjust. She does. Red? not so much.

Dom further adds to Red’s crushing guilt by reminding him how his choices doomed Liz like they doomed Katarina before. But then he also reminds him that he still has a reason to live as there are others out there who depend on him (“God help them.” - I LOVE Dom). So Red returns to make sure Agnes is safe and to exact vengeance for Liz’s death, two goals which are tied in his mind as he claims that the only way to protect Agnes is by killing Kirk who’s responsible for Liz’s death. He makes a deal with Tom: he lets him participate in the hunt in exchange for being allowed to spend time with Agnes. Again, this whole exchange has a vibe of negotiating visitation rights.

And Red’s interactions w/ Scottie give us a feel for why he will not argue much in the future when Liz decides to pick her to look after Agnes: Red calls Scottie “a brilliant strategist” who - despite Red’s visceral dislike of her - is a suitable “guard” as long as she believes Agnes to be her granddaughter. So not giving any reason to undermine that belief is in the little girl’s best interest (for now).

- [ S4 ] -

This is a period dedicatedto the overarching theme of “truth vs. appearances”, and we have afew interesting ideas and info snippets introduced that can help furtherexplain Red’s behavior if (he suspects that) Agnes is his.

First of all, we meet Kirkand gain some insight into the relationship dynamics of the past - dynamicswhich reflect those in the present.

Mirroring is a curiousfeature that’s utilized right at the beginning, in 401. It’s briefly touchedupon (here) but what makes the Red-Kirk-Liz scene especially interesting isthat the mirroring btw this exchange and the Red-Tom-Agnes one in “CapeMay” is not merely visual but also verbal, giving some weight to thesuspicion that they are linked by design. In both scenes we have the“designated dad” in a room with his daughter while the real father(Red is not Liz’s father but in 401 he “stands in” for real Reddington) is separated and looking in from the outside. On top of that, the dialogues are verysimilar, too:

Red (401): Are you okay? || Red (319): She’ll need protection.Kirk (401): Unlike you, I’d never hurt my own daughter. || Tom (319): Only ifyou are in her life.

And to push it even further,Kirk’s words (“What I desire is to raise my child. To watch hergrow.”) reflect Red’s innermost wish he voices in 319: “ I’d giveanything to be a part of that child’s life […] see her, hold her, watch hergrow.” And this also echoes Liz’s fantasy she shares with Red when theyare on the run. And Red’s retort to Kirk in 401 (“She was never yours toraise.”) also matches Red’s dance around the issue of Agnes’ paternity in319 where he refuses to directly call Tom her father, paralleling Katarina’s pain that she feels due to being separated from her daughter.

So I think what we can statewith certainty here is that there is confusion around paternity inboth scenes.

As the season unfolds, we dolearn that Kirk was a “cover dad”, designated as such by Katarina formultiple reasons (that happen to match Liz’s reasons for wanting to“escape” Red in S3 and be with Tom instead):

best chance at a normal life: Kirk did not work as an agent or any kind ofoperative, he had a (relatively) stable life in Russia. Katarina wasmarried to him and they lived together until real Reddington, believing Mashato be his daughter, took their daughter back to the US.

safety: asRed put it, “Your safety was guaranteed because Kirk believed you to behis daughter.” This belief was cemented in by a fake DNA report andentries in Katarina’s journal where she writes about their relief that Mashawon’t be exposed to the genetic illness that plagues Kirk’s family as it canonly be inherited by sons.

“no other path”: despite loving Reddington, Katarina accepted that she was never gonna endup with him. The circumstances were forever against them. This is why she began distancing herself from him and this is why she didn’t want to know ifhe was Masha’s father.

If Katarina had written apro/con list for her baby, I bet it would have looked a lot like the one Liz wrote, exceptit would have said “Kirk????” instead of “Tom????” But, as Redtold Liz, being Katarina’s husband didn’t make Kirk her father, which is apotentially relevant observation given how Liz kept trying to marry Tom at allcosts to force a “normal family” into existence that was never more than anillusion + how she was trying to distance herself from Red.

Those three main reasons abovealso provided the motivation for a cover-up that Kirk refused to acceptas the truth until multiple tests confirmed it when he fell ill and needed agenetic donation from a blood relative. As Red pointed out, “You saw whatKatarina wanted you to see.” This also echoes Mr. Kaplan’s words to Red atthe end of S3: “You saw what we needed you to see.” which might godeeper than “merely” faking Liz’s death and could be a hint at Kaplan’srole in arranging the 2nd memory manip session with Krilov.

In this season, Red alsostruggles with appearance vs. truth, with the cost/benefit ratio of deceptionsand false assumptions. This happens indirectly when he “auditions” hisnew cleaners in a pristine white apartment where one of his friends wasmurdered. He is both upset and marvels at how clean everything looks –“your cleaners removed even the memory of his blood”.

This practicality takes on asymbolic meaning as it carries over into Red’s relationship with Mr. Kaplanwhom he calls his confessor: “every trespass I committed, expunged.Cleansed as if it never happened.” Mr. Kaplan claims that Red betrayed Lizand held her “emotionally hostage”. These are rather extreme accusations… unless Red and Liz slept together while on the run and Redconfessed this to Mr. Kaplan. Now that act could be easily and understandablyconsidered trespassing by her, a crossing of a line that never should have beencrossed (= a betrayal). Red felt rage when he learned that Tom had become intimate with Liz. He considered this a betrayal, too, and Tom an immediate threat. He went about correcting the situation the same way Mr. Kaplan goes about correcting Red’s behavior in S3B-S4. Perhaps the trigger was the same type of trespassing too.

Mr. Kaplan makes it her mission to separate Liz and Red,and it all begins back in S3, around the time somebody hired Dr. Krilov to takecertain memories from Liz. Red is very close to directly confessing his feelings for Liz in 302. If he ended up confessing that he’s in love with her and they ended up in bed, that can be considered “a truth” about him that Liz uncovered – a truth that someone who doesn’t want them to be together would definitely object to.

Mr. Kaplan urges Liz to “do what yourmother never had the courage to do: walk away from Raymond.” IF Red and Liz slepttogether and Agnes was the result, then Dr. Krilov’s 2nd memory manipulationdid what Red’s cleaner(s) did in the white apartment: the “trespass” got “expunged”. Even the memory of it.Truth became elusive and assumptions took its place (like “I assume Tom is thefather.”).

Red is trying to complete a white puzzle in the white apartment,which takes on potential relevance after we can hear him compare memory toa jigsaw puzzle in 514. The possible relevance? Maybe he’s wondering (puzzled, if you will ;) why Lizacts as if nothing happened between them on the run, as if her memory of it were wiped clean. And while it is undoubtedly simpler and safer thisway, and it’s best to leave that topic alone, it is hard for him to accept, esp with Tomin the picture and taking on roles Red wishes to be able to fill, roles Liz now rejects him in.

In this episode we can also hear Gale make a pointed, suggestive remarkto Liz about her time with Red in S3A: “What was it like on the run withhim? Did he charm you?” And all this happens while Mr. Kaplan is hell-benton tearing Red and Liz apart for the sake of all of their safety, claiming thatRed’s presence in their lives is a threat to Agnes, Liz, and also to himself.

Memory manipulation - or the presence of holes in one’s memory - has itsown “footprint” in the show. It usually manifests as images drifting outof focus and echoing voices. There are two instances where this happens to Liz with no apparent reason. One is in 308 when she is in a gas stationbathroom - already pregnant - staring at her reflection in the dirty mirror. The other is in 317when Red marches towards her in the church, calling out her name and interrupting her and Tom’s wedding -both are situations where her baby’s father and her husband are likely on her mind. In317 she even connects the two by saying she wants to build a life with thefather of her child and Red keeps pleading with her to not marry Tom.

We are periodically reminded that Red is a Proust fan, and Proustjust happens to be the author of À la recherche du temps perdu (In Search of Lost Time) - a monumentalexploration of the various connections that web reality, perception, and memorytogether. The concept of involuntary memory originates from this novel series,and we can see this in action on The Blacklist, too, when Liz’sburied memory of the night of the fire gets triggered in 222. It’s also possible that she was close to being triggered in those twoscenes mentioned above, and maybe she won’t even need Krilov’s help in regaining the memories she’s lost the 2nd time as they could also be triggered unexpectedly by the smallest, most random thing - a smell, a taste, a voice, a gesture.

The white apartment incidentalso coincides with Liz, Agnes, and Tom moving to a new apartment. Redhas a hard time adjusting to this change, to no longer being able to see Agneswhenever he wants (and he was visiting her regularly while they were in his safe house, always showing up w/ the request to see her in particular), which brings the downside of deception into focus: separation. And Redstruggles with this despite understanding the safety that lies in it and inhiding truths - something Katarina knew a lot about, as well.

It’s not surprising that he soon starts musingabout the importance of truth (in 412):

“You said something before. The truth doesn’t matter, that the only thing in this world that matters is just the appearance of truth. I fear you might be right about that. Lately I find that the truth has become… so elusive. Often imaginary. But in the end, it’s all that we’re left with, isn’t it? What is real, what you can taste and touch and feel. The words that pass between us as we look each other in the eye are… all we have to hold on to. The truth. I hold it dear.”

then he proceeds to make a cuckoo clock forAgnes in the following episode (x, x). His first remark on how he is no longercomfortable with the idea of dying at any second also pops up in 412, and itgets reaffirmed in 415, in the same episode where the bad guy of the weekexpresses the same sentiment: his reason for clinging to his miserable life is fatherhood andhe wants a family even if he is barred from being physically present in their lives.

Red faces this issue, too. Tom remains Agnes’ (designated)dad and Liz’s husband while he is now kept away. He stillkeeps prodding that family unit, though, keeps teasing Tom about his pastand keeps involving him in missions to strip away his thin veneer of “normaland safe” to prove to Liz that she is mistaken about him. (sidenote: Tom also“takes over” the sentiment of Liz - and Agnes - being his future; thisis Red’s “thing”, has been since S1)

Meanwhile, Red keepsflip-flopping between accepting Mr. Kaplan’s accusations and rejecting them (“Maybe I am the person you need protection from.” vs “She was wrong to think Elizabeth and Agnes were safer without me in their lives.”). Hecannot seem to make up his mind as others join the chorus of blaming him forhow badly things turned out.

This is also the seasonwhere Red has an awkward and out-of-the-blue exchange with Cooper about thelatter’s sick daughter (414), and in another ep (404) - one featuring a parentand child sharing the same disorder - Red is asked point blank if he has achild with special needs but he doesn’t answer.

His personal struggle with appearancevs truth, however, is temporarily suspended when Liz blindsides him with the DNA test in 422. Despite his visible discomfort, Reddoesn’t correct Liz’s false assumption because it happens to provide theperfect cover he so desperately needs to find the skeleton Mr. Kaplan unearthed.But this strategic move comes with the price of having to keep his silenceabout Agnes for the foreseeable future. Thanks to Mr. Kaplan’s parting gift andCooper’s (accidental?) “antidote” of running that DNA test and providing cover, Red is now backed into a corner where the only way topreserve his secret is by not challenging appearances.

- [ S5A ] -

this block is nestledbetween two high-impact turning points: the DNA test and Tom’s death. The DNAtest locks Red into a false role, that of Liz’s father, which holds throughoutS5 and to a lesser extent in S6. The only reprieve is the 10-month period duringwhich he gets to take on the role of father in Agnes’ life (=inhabiting thetruth). Liz spends this time unconscious, which I find quite symbolic, as well (her being not conscious of his true role).

The DNA test is both a curseand a blessing. Red undoubtedly enjoys the sudden warming of his relationship with Lizbut he clearly does not enjoy her referring to him as “father”. Everytime it happens, we can see him wince, cringe, or glare in silence. But it happensto be the perfect cover for him to keep searching for the skeleton since it preventsLiz from asking the very questions he doesn’t want her to wonder about.

So Liz confrontinghim with the DNA test closes the window of opportunity Red still had in S3B andS4 to contest paternity. This turn of events also forces him to prioritizepreserving his secret over almost everything else (he is only ready to give it up when he thinks Liz’s life is at stake), so the struggle we can see him having in S4 - the onebtw appearances and the truth - promptly takes a back seat as keeping upappearances becomes the #1 strategic necessity.

That being said, Red still onlydoes the bare minimum (= not denying it outright) to play father to Liz. And this time block brings some interesting remarks about geneticsand secrets, which may have more significance than simply serving as empty redherrings until the impostor reveal hits at the end of the season.

Smokeydrops some comments about being “just like daddy” and having “noway to avoid the family curse” because “DNA is what it is.” Onthe surface this ties into the (beyond grating) tendency of some characters to blame-shiftand refuse to take any responsibility for their shitty life choices. But what makesthis exchange stand out is the wording “family curse” becauseKatarina uses a similar phrase (“this accursed disease that has afflicted his family for generations”) to describe Kirk’s condition.In 506, Tom also remarks to Red that “family secrets” always comeout. And now Red is sick and is in need of a pioneering geneticist’s help to find a cure. Somehow I don’t believe this is all just coincidence. + judging from those (brief) (glimpses) we get at Agnes, she is already a lot like her dad. ;)

Ep 504 in particularhas some curious details because they don’t line up with Red and Liz’s pretendrelationship but they do line up with the idea of Red having “a familycurse” that puts Agnes at risk. In this episode, asoldier gives up her child to get him out of harm’s way, but when the child presentswith an incurable disorder, she takes him from his adoptive parents, thencommits suicide to provide the donor heart needed to save his life. Witnessing this,Red remarks that “given the same circumstances, I’d like to think I’d beas brave as her. I know I’d wanna be.”

And then Tom dies, Liz endsup in a coma, and Red is left to take care of Agnes. If she is his, this 10-month period gives Red the perfect opportunity to finally confirm it and, asI mentioned above, have her tested for whatever disorder he knows he - and thus she too -carries. The timeline is always tricky on this show but by my rough estimateRed invested in Dr. Stark’s gene hacking research around the time he still had Agnes or not long after.

- [ S5B–present ] -

In this period, Red shouldalready have confirmation about paternity, about whether or not Agnes is atrisk, and Dr. Stark is already working on the cure for both. However, theskeleton and all the threats attached are still out there, circling them, and Liz is stillunder the impression that he is her father, which Red cannot push back againstif he is to keep his main secret secret.

We’ve seen how far he is willing to go tokeep his identity hidden, so letting Liz believe he is her father is really notall that out there for this guy. Only life-and-death situations can push him to reveal certain things, so it might be unruly genetics that will end up forcing his hand this time around. If Agnes needs treatment, that’s gonna be tricky to administer w/o somebody eventually noticing.

Red is still in a false role for now but its confines have weakened since he realized that Liz now knows he used to be someoneelse.

WhenLiz decides to go away for a while and entrusts Agnes to Scottie, Red questionsbut eventually goes along with her decision. “It was what youwanted,” he tells her later on. Even locked in his assumed role hecould have dug his heels in and claimed that he had a say in this matter, but he letLiz make the decisions and respected them. It carried way more risk to let her disappear alone than to let Scottie take Agnes, yet Red did not argue and did notrepeat the mistakes he made in S3B when things got so out of hand, Liz began toresent him and he was genuinely worried he was suffocating her. So he did what everybody toldhim to do in S4: he let her - and Agnes - go. And then she came back to him.

But for now, it is best if Agneshas safe distance from both him and Liz. In 520, Red told Jennifer that she was notabandoned but protected. That’s Agnes, too. Red may detest Scottie but he doesacknowledge that she is an excellent strategist with the skills, insight,motivation, and resources to keep the little girl safe. Shebelieves her to be her granddaughter, which - imo - in Red’s book ensures her loyaltyno matter how he feels about her otherwise. And in ep 512, we can see that Redknows exactly where Agnes is and, knowing him, he has his own invisiblemultilayered security web in place, monitoring everyone in Agnes’ life 24/7 and sendingdaily reports to him.

Whenhe and Liz observe Agnes from a distance at the end of the episode, the topic oftruth once again emerges, making it the third time that Agnes and talk of“the truth” co-occur: one is earlier in this episode (“If I misseven one more day with [Agnes] than is absolutely necessarybecause you’re not being completely honest…”)and the other is the cuckoo clock scene in S4. Red tells Liz heknows how hard this separation is and that they want the same thing here, whichechoes his remark in S4 about how they are in lockstep where Agnesis concerned. It also reminds me ofhis stunned reaction when Liz shares her fantasy with him in S3 (“I’mwalking in a park with my husband. Inbetween usis our little girl. I’mholding her hand in mine… and Inever let go.”). They do want the same thing and they are on the same page about Agnes, but everything else is still in disarray. For now, there is safetyin separation and keeping up appearances, even uncomfortable and painful ones.

In 514, Red gives us and Liz areminder when he points out that in the criminal underworld you can neverreveal how important someone is to you without making them an instant target. Theshow continues to provide examples of this specific danger, and the cases thatdirectly touch upon this topic “borrow” elements from Red’s situation: in518, Mosadek’s son is abducted by business associates because they suspect himof being an informant, and in 610, criminals attempt to extort money from a fatherwhose daughter was born premature with a condition to which there was no cureat the time, so the father came up with one.

Ep605 is extra curious because it features the story of a guy who never knew hisfather and only learned about his identity when he was unexpectedly summoned to the readingof his will. Van Ness was fighting an illness, too, and decided to change hiswill to include his only son that nobody even knew about. His last written message to himwas: “I loved your mother but didn’t have the courage to stay withher.” Van Ness’ seat and vote in an international criminal syndicate are also automaticallytransferred to his heir, making him a target for various reasons. It’s also a reminder of what kind of dangerous entanglements thechildren of international criminals have to deal with once their family ties arerevealed. In this episode, we also get a reminder from Aram that “in arelationship, the truth always comes out.” and Dembe continues toplead with Red to be honest with Liz, tell her the truth and leave the rest to fate. Red, however, stubbornly keeps his silence.

Theparallels btw Red/Liz and Samar/Aram also continue in S6, and what Samar tells Aram in 613has potential relevance to deciphering Red’s perspective and reasons for not speaking up about Agnes. Samar says that she made peace with the idea that she was never gonna havechildren (back in S3, she told Liz she picked career over family) but meeting Aram changed everything. After that, she wanted nothingmore than to try and balance the two, to build a family with him. But now that she knows she has anirreversible condition, she cannot raise a child, and she feels he deservesmore than what she can give.

Ifeel all these sentiments also play a role in how Red evaluates the possibilities of hisrelationship with Liz (even if Agnes is not his). His initial reaction to the baby was rejection,remarking that a child would make their difficult work infinitely harder. But then he changed his mind. In 319, he confessed that hewould give anything to be able to raise Agnes but he was also painfully aware of the factors preventing him from realizing this wish.“Your baby deserves more than we can provide,”Mr. Kaplan told Liz right at the moment she decided to separate her from Redfor good. This idea also emerges in 614, when Red notices Liz staring at thephoto of herself with Katarina, and tells her that the photo represented everythingKatarina wanted but couldn’t have after she became a hunted woman. Being a fugitive himself, Red facesthe exact same problem. And now he alsohas an illness to overcome, so him having the same attitude as Samar - i.e. writing himself off as notbeing a suitable match and accepting not being with “the one” - feels right on the mark, imo. Katarina also shared in this heartbreak where realReddington and their daughter were concerned. She, too, had to let go of what she really wanted.

bottom line (bc it’s time to wrap this up): everything that’s happened since Liz confronted Red with the pregnancynews has been discouraging him from “coming out” as Agnes’ father:

initial uncertainty regarding paternity

Liz’s growing resentment towards him that culminated in a faked death

Tom + Liz choosing him over and over again coupled w/ Red starting to accept that Tom somehow makes Liz happy while he only manages to bring pain and hardship into her life

the constant threats and Red’s growing worry that he might indeed be athreat to Agnes and Liz

the unexpected DNA report that was also the perfect cover

Red’s emerging health issues

Liz’s missing memories (without which how would he even begin to explain it or have any hope she will not freak completely or worse?)

But we are in a period now where there is tangible improvement regarding these main issues. Red now knows whether or not he’s Agnes’ father, so that uncertainty is gone. Tom is dead. Liz’s resentment subsided and she knows Red is an imposter yet loves him anyway and told him so. He also knows about Krilov’s 2nd interference that explains some of Liz’s behavior. His illnessis being treated, too. But the risks and threats in their lives still remain. For now they are mitigating this by staying away from Agnes, but if theimprovements hold, hopefully the time will come when this issue of paternity - along with some other questions - can be broughtforth and sorted between the two of them.

[kae-karo]

[1] hi!! so idk if you've seen dan speaking at the mental health panel or not, but there was one part that hit me really hard and id love to know your thoughts on it! basically he was saying that often content creators, and people in general, are struggling with their mental health the most when it seems like they're thriving (uploading constantly, getting good grades, etc) but everyone thinks they're fine. which is literally my life rn but i can't take a break from overworking myself bc i need

[2] to get into college. do you have any advice abt how to provide for my future while still taking care of myself? also, i just want to thank you for running such a healthy and positive blog bc it has helped me thru some difficult times, and you seem like such a thoughtful and caring person!

hi dear! oh no :( I'm so sorry, that's such a hard position to be in - I havent been in school for a few years, and not in high school since 2012 yikes lmao, so I'm sure things have changed a bit but hopefully I can still give some advice that helps?

I'd say first and foremost, talk to a trusted adult you know in person about how you're feeling - whether that be a parent, older sibling, favorite teacher, advisor, etc. they may have advice more specific to your situation that might take into account details I dont know. and while this is my first piece of advice, it can also be the hardest? sometimes facing our demons and being honest about them with others who have only seen our "good side" can feel impossible, but it can be a crucial step to help build a support system that you can go to when you feel you're struggling

the next thing I'd say is, on a small scale, start taking time for yourself. I know that's like. the hardest thing to do when you have like 6hr of homework a night, minimum, plus clubs or sports or other activities that take time, but literally even sneaking five minutes between some bits of homework to do something that's calming and centering for you can make a difference - if you can grab five minutes to go sit in a space you feel comfortable, away from your work, to breathe and think about something other than your work, that can be helpful

the next one is sorta like. tangential, but take care of your body as well - you're still a growing and developing human, so this is ESPECIALLY important, but drinking lots of water (and not too many sugary drinks/chemical drinks) and eating veggies and getting enough protein can literally make such a big difference in your brains ability to function at it's best. the other important thing here is sleep - every body is different, so keep in mind what your body does best on and (when you can) aim for that. between hydration, good nutrition, and sufficient sleep, you're laying a foundation that can help your brain be more successful throughout the day

I wish, ultimately, i had a perfect answer for the fucked up school system (esp in America which is what I'm most familiar with), but it honestly sets you up to fail. what (unintentionally) worked well for me was having a blow-off class or two - classes that were easy for me (like sign language, or French 1 after I'd already taken Spanish for several years) and could help boost my GPA without stressing me out as much. if you can find those classes- and definitely look for the ones that are easy for YOU, don't just ask around for the easiest classes - that can be a really nice break in your day and help relieve you of some after-school stress

here's another "honesty is the best policy" situation - if you find yourself struggling to understand a concept, or homework is taking you so much longer than some of your peers (or the teacher says theres only an hour of hw a night and you end up spending far longer on it) talk to the teacher! tell them you're struggling, and ask if you can get some help understanding a topic. be specific about what you dont understand (dont just go "I dont get it") and explain your thought process - this can help teachers understand where you're veering off the path and what you might be missing. and, more importantly, if you're coming in for help, they're more likely to be lenient with you because they know you're trying (yes I'm aware that was more a "school help in general" bit of advice but in case that's something you're struggling with)

now heres....maybe some controversial advice. take calculated risks. example: if a teacher has a policy where they drop your lowest homework grade in a class and you're doing alright in that class, but you have a day where you're saddled with WAY too much work for another class where you're struggling, it's okay to say "okay, today I need to go to sleep by 10pm, I can either finish this difficult homework or complete homework for the class that will drop a grade", sometimes it makes more sense to skip that one homework and get a zero to spend time dedicated to the class you're struggling in and get rest. in a similar vein, there is also a limit to studying - there is a point where you physically cannot absorb more knowledge. it is so much better for your brain - both from a focus and memory standpoint - to get a little extra sleep than to stay up late studying well past the point where you will retain knowledge.

now....again, I havent been applying to colleges in ages so my advice might be a bit stale, but colleges tend to look for good grades but also challenging classes, or improvement over time in classes, etc etc. they want to know you're working hard, and that you have diverse interests. college apps are a bit like resumes honestly, except you cant lie about your GPA. but like. you can fluff everything else. literally EVERYTHING becomes fair game with college apps. you can talk about fanfic or a fandom you're in if you phrase it the right way, like there are barely rules lmao. and you can make yourself sound very appealing

so my advice would be basically this: work hard, but learn your personal limits. figure out how much sleep a night makes you feel awake and focused the next day (again, it varies!) and aim for that as much as you can. try to eat nutritiously when you can, and drink lots of water. dedicate time to your homework and studying, but be sure to take regular breaks and ACTUALLY shift your brain away from your work during those breaks. and it's also good to dedicate time to life activities - like I said, colleges want to know you're a diverse person. spend time in clubs you like or playing sports if that's your thing, or do things unconnected to school. and remember, you can fluff that all up on a college app! but also remember - you have to live with you for the rest of your life, and there are so so many paths to a good job or a college education if that's what you decide you want, be sure to prioritize your health as much as you can. the education system tricks you into this never ending cycle of "if I just push through ___________ I'll get to ___________!" and taking that through your life can be really challenging and exhausting. I need to acknowledge that some of this is easy for me to say - I was a good test taker in high school, I went to college, and I bullshitted my way through (that's a whole other story lmao) but like. I need to acknowledge that, by some privilege and luck, I do have a college education. so when i say this next thing, please take it with a grain of salt, but there is more to life than chasing what society tells us to chase - there is family, there are friends, relationships, hobbies and interests and love and dreams and spending hours playing video games and SLEEP and getting sunburned cause you spent too long out under the sun photosynthesizing and collecting pens or shiny rocks and ANIMALS there is so so so much in life and I hate with such a burning passion that, for the first 22 years of our lives, we are told the ONLY thing in life is getting through college, getting a degree. again, I need to acknowledge that I say that with a background of privilege, and that education can help people get out of bad situations, etc, but there are many paths to education and they dont all require you to put life on hold to get there

let me tell u a story real quick, cause my education looks (from the outside) "easy" (turns out I had depression and eating disorders of all kinds yeehaw !!!!). my sister did NOT have an easy time in school - my parents could afford it, so she had a tutor for some of her challenging subjects, but she also dealt with anxiety and depression the entire time. she didnt get into the college she wanted to, but got put in a sort of program where, if she got good enough grades in some community college courses, she could get into the school. so she worked her ass off, dove even deeper into her mental health issues, but eventually did get in. and then she had challenging classes and didnt have a great support system, and she ended up failing out of many of her classes, to the point where she got put on academic probation. so she took a year off, got a job at a daycare, and I have literally never seen her happier or more well-adjusted. shes going back to school now, for early childhood education, and working part time at the daycare while she takes a light course load at school

another story for you - my aunt graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. she came from a dirt-poor family and couldn't afford it. she bounced around a bit, but eventually found company that she worked well with. they paid for her to go to school, and she finally got a degree many years after what we would consider "traditional". she had a few other jobs, but shes been at her current company now going on 20 years, has been through several promotions, and works directly with a c-suite employee. she is also the only woman in her office, a very traditional trucking company where she works with engineers on a daily basis

there are many paths to education, if that's where you want to go, and it's okay if it ends up looking different from the traditional path were told to follow. do what you can to avoid sacrificing your mental health for an education - if its what you want, you will get there. and remember to ask for help along the way!! I hope that helps a little, dear

[littlemisschameleon]

Aight so there’s this fic called Where You Lead, I Will Follow by @lovelylogans​

and I feel bad for sending what would have been 13 anons to her shouting my praises for the final chapter of this fic

so here we are (continued under the cut)

to start, if you aren’t annalise and haven’t read this fic yet, do yourself a damn favor and read it! it’s a gilmore girls au for the sanders sides, and tbh if you like the sanders sides you’re going to love all of her writing. Im not even joking right now, go read the fic! And then read lavender for luck (another one of my favorites from her), and then go give annalise some love for her amazing abilities, and THEN you can come back and read this.

second, this entire post is gonna jump around a bit. Basically i took notes while reading so I didn’t forget anything, and was going to format said notes into asks. I hope this is easier to read (and so your inbox doesn’t get more flooded, like im sure it is) everything from now on is just going to be copy pasted from my notes, pretty much. The breaks in paragraphs are where they would have been for asks. Enjoy the ride

*cracks knuckles* lets do this song and dance once more, its tiiiiime for lovin wyliwf! Lets just get to it, as there’s so much ground to cover (38k, are you trying to kill me?!?!? i love it). Ohhhh patton buddy youre really out of it, arent you? Asking for straight vodka is gonna be the first of many slips during the play, im sure. Logan just immediately giving full attention to the play in anticipation for Roman is so frickin cute!!!!! Id bet that patton would be awwwing about it too if not for the play beginning.

Logaaaaan! Thats your boyfriend!!! Hes so excited to be able to //say that// now. And Roman did so good he deserved every single ounce of applause he got! For real though, im just READING how his performance went, I can only imagine how breathtaking it would be to see it. The way that youve been handling the tonal shift when it comes to our boys relationships has been so good! Youre able to make it natural when you want to, and completely jarring when its right for the story.

I figured that must have been challenging so good job!! Speaking of jarring, I was too caught up in the euphoria of Romans dance to even remember pat was wearing //makeup// and //crying// until Emily shouted about her handkerchief. //thats what im talking about youre so good omg// That entire fight was a long time coming, and I //felt// it when pat was just so sick and tired of everything.

Im kinda similar to pat, because when the apology happened I thought something was gonna be different too, but of course not! Patton must feel like even more shit :( Okay we all knew that Logan was in love with Roman, but now that theyre together its clear just how far //gone// he is. Like hes //in love// its just so sweet its gonna give me a cavity

The whole “they got together” thing just broke my heart, because thats how it should have been in a perfect world, but hey that wouldn’t make for good conflict in a fic now would it? But of course logan and Roman are so devastated, they didn’t even //think// to see this as a possible outcome, it felt impossible to them for this to even happen :(

can I just say that I LOVE petty patton!!!!!! Yes sir put ur foot down! Good!!!! and the father son bonding time!!!!!! Between both richard and pat AND richard and V in a sense!! Such a good change of pace from the fighting that usually happens when pattons parents are around. And BLESS THE FUCK UP, RICHARD! Hes broken through!!!

Hooooly fuck! That WAS embarrassing! Side note, i will always be in awe about how well you write logan and Roman, theyre both such //teenagers// and react perfectly. Exactly how you would expect teenagers to react in said situations.  AND hhhhhh virgil!! So sweet!!! Patton he CARES so MUCH about you!!!! He LOVES YOU PATTTT! Oh man, Logan talking about how he needs to focus on his obligation to school reminds me so much of what Emily wants for patton. Roman’s right of course, whats the point of trying to better your future if its making you upset now?\

Ive got a lot of words for that scene with pattons letter, but mostly I want to say that I can’t wait until they make up bc that scene //hurt to read ow// Oh gosh, Emily dont fuck it up now //please//. Youve got patton crying, you know a lot more than you did before, youre hugging him. PLEASE just be happy for your son? PLEASE HES BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH LET HIM BE HAPPY (this goes for both emily and you annalise, stop cackling behind your computer and making my boys sad)

“I think I just out bitched a shady bitch” YES! YES YOU DID LOGAN! And holy shit the dance was the cutest thing in the whole world, they both deserve to be happy and to have fun!!!!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! That whole “wanting this overrides any fear that I have” speech was just //beautiful//, and it hit home hard for me. Its just, so perfect, and they both deserve to be happy and //ugh//, /////feelings/////

“This is only the beginning” I AM SOBBING. ITS NOT EVEN 3AM ITS 3PM I DONT HAVE LACK OF SLEEP AS AN EXCUSE HOW DARE YOU (in the best of ways)

(cutting in for a hot second, but from here on out it’s turned from loving wyliwf to just loving annalise and her ability to create. I kinda wrote it as if it was going straight to her inbox (bc that was the intent) so, just warning ya! it gets personal)

i just… Wow. This has been an insane ride, and i want to print this fic and have it on a bookshelf so I can look at it and sigh longingly and lovingly, you know? To get real for a hot second, you started talking about this fic right when i was dealing with a major breakup and stressing over finals and so much more.

This fic has seriously been something ive looked forward to every week, and has been a comforting constant. I was able to relate to so much youve put patton, and Virgil, and roman and logan through in this fic, from the little nuances of working in a restaurant, to the feelings of major heartache patton went through, to having just that moment, //knowing// youve been in love with someone, of course you have! But just finally realizing it with an “oh shit”.

To being dumb teenagers and sneaking out for late night talks, to stressing about finals and having to be perfect, to relationship anxiety and feeling like you cant show your real feelings and just ugh. The way you write these boys allowed me to relate so much, it hit home in so many beautiful ways, and all I can really do is say thank you so much, for giving this to the world. To writing this and putting so much love and effort into it that it positively //shows//

i am so ecstatic to read more from this universe, and im so happy that its not quite over yet. You’re an amazing writer, and i absolutely adore you and your ability! Im not sure how to end this train of wyliwf lovin, so I’ll end it at a simple thank you, once again, for writing this absolute gift of a story. It was beautiful, and heartbreaking, and perfect in its own little way. Thank you

[annashipper]

JT Anon

Anna:  JT sent me a very ranty submission in reply to this ask (LINK), so I’m including the ask herein for easy reference:

Nonny:   if they did go home together they could both have used the back door, no? why the pap op? to help publicize kubrick event, perhaps? also, she might have stayed in nyc because she has friends to see and didn’t need to rush back two days after met gala. we don’t know whether whole family, including nanny, didn’t come to nyc cause we didn’t see anyone, including BC, arrive at JFK. so it’s possible they all arrived together and left separately. details.

JT Anon:  but nonny this is the problem, we ALWAYS have to think of some excuse as to why ben is travelling alone, and surely they must have just arrived together (or left together). the fact of the matter is, ben went on record to say that if he is EVER away form the kids for more than a day or two, he has the entire family w him. full stop. that is what he said. and yet immediately after he said that we have not seen him travelling w his kids once. not once. in fact we’ve never seen ben and sophie complete a trip together since she gave ‘birth’. its always only on one end. also between you and me, the idea that these two have to have a nanny w them 24/7 because they can’t simply parent their kids w out other adults is hellah sad to me. i know they would be going to events etc, but still.

maybe thats why BC doesn’t have any anecdotes about his kids, he doesn’t actually spend any time w them at all. he is constantly farming them off to other people

personally, while im w anna in that i think the majority of enty stuff is pr fed, if i were to believe that the kids were real and living w him, then i believe enty when he says ben is just simply lying. mainly because only a pretty nasty guy would drag his tiny newborn infants onto multiple flights into different time zones, only to ditch them w the help and not parent them on said flights

I also agree w enty that he is lying about having his kids w him everywhere because we just haven’t seen it. it just simply doesn’t make sense that a man would go to all the trouble to hire very expensive 24/7 hour help (because, again, who wants to be left alone w their kids? not ben. not sophe. if what ben says is true, these two are not hands on parents. we have a lot of proof of that) only to arrive and leave w them sep every single time. i mean, what sort of man disrupts his kids like that so he can feel like he is being a god father, all the while not even bothering to sit w them on a plane? like if ben cant even get on and off a plane w his kids…

in this case, the simplest ex is likely the truth. he is lying. we have photographic evidence of bens travels, and since saying he is never w out them, we have actually never seen him w them.

if you believe that the kids are real, and that ben is not such a horrid parent that he immediately leaves the plane, ignoring his kids and walking off in front of cameras for pap shots, leaving either w a nanny or both sophie and a nanny to struggle w the kids (out the door w no paps? if he is private, and the kids have found a way in and out of the airport w out paps…why don’t they all do that…since they don’t want attention)

this brings us back to those little calendars of travel we have of ben. assuming the kids are real, ben has left his kids for literally MONTHS. months. If you add up all the weeks he took off, its been MONTHS he has left his kids, from the min they were born. he has left his kids for months, because i do not believe he has had them w him (and ben, if you drag kids through an airport now its not going to convince me). we have proof he lied and doesn’t take them w him.

If I were to believe the kids were real, then at this point i would think that all of that talk about finding his love and finally rocking his babies in his arms were stories for branding purposes. (i happen to think they were, however i always assumed there was some mild truth to it and they just hammered it to make him likeable to his female fan base, that the topic didn’t actually loom that large in his head) and because he branded himself as being desperate for love and babies, when sophie turned up preg, likely not by him, he had to double down on it. plus i also think he saw attention and big ass dollar signs. i think he and his team know that sophie causes this little discussion, and they are very happy to keep her around, and seen exactly the way she is to cont this steady stream of attention and eyeballs on his articles and pics that have her just off to the side. then not, then to the side again.  

hence the stories that he travels w his kids when we can see he does not

hence the stories that he rushes to give them a bath every night when we can see him away from home at at events were that isn’t possible.

hence all the other anecdotes from him about kids that are impossibilities and lies

if i were to believe the kids were real, i would believe that he is not a hands on father. that he does not spend much time, if any at all, w his kids. that he has round the clock care raising them. that he isn’t that interested in being a parent, and his stories are just keeping up w previous branding that was also untrue.

I personally always thought that pining for love and a family thing was for branding for his female fanbase, and if his kids and marriage are real, then i tend to believe it was less true and more branding  than i had originally thought

I think this is why so many of the nans have to tangle and pin red string onto dates and locations when seeing ben travelling alone and not out w his kids and saying things about kids that make no sense. they bought the pining for love and a kid thing hook, line and sinker. they thought it was the absolute truth. it never occurred to them that bens team took “yeah , sure id like a wife and kids one day” and turned it into “Ben weeping out of loneliness wants nothing more than to find his soulmate and rock his babies it consumes his heart!” because the response from his fan base was positive.  Because they bought this story and didn’t for one second think anything about bens personality was tweaked and manufactured, they can’t entertain the idea that now, now that he has found his heart (he TOLD them he lovedher! He SAID we HAVE to love her too!!!) and has kids, that his behaviour wouldn’t match whatever fairy tale they have in their heads.

they cannot accept that ben leaves his kids for weeks on end, so there MUST be some convoluted story of sophie CONSTANTLY staying behind w a nanny to visit friends when they are in NYC. They have to CONSTANTLY have the nanny w them 24/7 because there is no other way to explain them being in these places and not having their kids. They MUST only be out when they are seen, because they have to explain why he would bring his kids to NYC, only to leave them every night and every day to shop and eat.

I dont know what they’ve come up w to explain the fact that ben has now had 2 or 3 children and has not a single story about parenting that makes sense.

if you believe the kids are real, then the reality is this is not a man who spends time w his kids. his stories suggest he doesn’t even know them frankly. his stories about them make absolutely no sense. anyone who has done a daily routine w kids from ages birth to 8 knows that what he says makes no sense, and there are very specific things he has not said that he could absolutely say w out it being some invasion of privacy

I think nans just don’t want to accept that ben is not a loving hands on father. he doesn’t spend that much time w his kids. he would rather go work and party and vacation and socialise. he is perfectly happy to leave his kids w hired help constantly. he is perfectly happy to go on constant vacations and leave his kids. he isn’t all that interested in being w them during the day.

I think they also don’t want to accept that, like thousands of celebs before them, he sees these kids as a money making opportunity. that doesn’t mean he is forcing them to perform, but he can monetise them, and he has. he has tried to sell their pictures, he is using these silly stories for clicks, he hires paps. he has branded them into his image to make cash, while not spending much time w them

its actually not that hard to believe, it would be what makes the most sense in this situation. ben has kids he doesn’t really care for, isn’t’ interested in parenting. he has the cash to throw at people so he isn’t responsible for them, and he monetises them in as many ways possible to at least get some cash money out of this situation

its only people who believe the branded intimacy that have to spin in circles to make this not that. people who bought the idea that out of all the celebs on earth, he was not branded. they really super duper know him for real. they can tell he is totes genuine, he would never lie to them, he really does love his fans on some intimate level (how on earth?).

admitting that ben is a liar, that he does call the paps, that he does monetise his personal life, that he does brand his kids, that he isn’t the family man he says he is would be to admit that they were wrong about having some sort of understanding about a public figure that is more intimate than is actually possible. they would have to admit that, just like thousands of fans before them, they were suckered into not only thinking HE was special, but THEY are too.

and now before anyone gets on our cases and starts spitting on their computer screen as they shout “BIT RICH FOR YOU GUYS WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH HIM AND HIS FAMILY!!!!!!” There is a difference. We simply happen to take what he is saying and think its nor true and that he lies.We work w what we see.

Having said that, there ARE people who are skeptical of this whole thing who DO take it too far and think they they have some sort of connection w ben. The only broad thing I will say about that is, when discussing ANY public figure, if someone truly does believe that there are somehow secret messages being conveyed from said public figure, either from clothing choices, word choices, gestures, and that those secret messages have special meanings for that person because there is some sort of understanding between them and the public figure, despite no actual contact, i would HIGHLY encourage people not to engage w this person. don’t’ make fun of them, don’t’ attempt to talk them out of their thought process, it won’t work. just cut off communication about said public figure

sorry, this was a long one anna!

J travels w her dogs and actually leaves the aiport w them T anon

Anna:  I cosign 99.9% of what JT had to say above.  Especially these two parts:

the fact of the matter is, ben went on record to say that if he is EVER away form the kids for more than a day or two, he has the entire family w him. full stop. that is what he said. and yet immediately after he said that we have not seen him travelling w his kids once. not once. in fact we’ve never seen ben and sophie complete a trip together since she gave ‘birth’. . . . ben has now had 2 or 3 children and has not a single story about parenting that makes sense.

[parabcllums]

⌜   LYRICA OKANO, GENDERFLUID, SHE / THEY / HE   |   nightmare by halsey, sanguine, the stepford child   ⌟    ⏤   blink and you’ll miss MORGAN ANTONIA STARK, the TWENTY TWO year old child of TONY STARK & PEPPER POTTS ! they’re an UNDERGRAD student at paragon academy, and i’ve always found them to be pretty SELF SACRIFICING & SELF MADE, though i’ve heard that they can also be really INSCRUTABLE & OBSTINATE. i don’t think getting their way is a smart thing to do - everyone knows that their power is GENIUS LEVEL INTELLECT & LATENT EXTREMIS VIRUS. you can check out their pinterest board HERE or their stat page HERE ! 

i am MONUMENTAL with a heart of glass,      and hands made of stone. ( touch me ). touch me.

SECTION ONE OF TWO : BULLETPOINT HISTORY trigger warning for infant sickness & ( teen ) pregnancy

march 30th, 1996 ; morgan antonia harold stark enters into the world by c section at exactly 6:59 am, three weeks before their due date. like most parents in their position, tony and pepper like to joke that morgan couldn’t wait to see the world - it adds a touch of humor to otherwise stressful memories, of a difficult pregnancy and extended time on bedrest. it brings a chuckle, no matter how small, even during those early years.

they’re a sickly child. it seems predetermined. anything that could be wrong very often was ; starting with influenza contracted aged six months, which leads into an extended stay in the icu due to contracted pneumonia. there’s something wrong ; a genetic condition, a primary immune deficiency that means anything they can catch, they do. their parents do their best to make sure that they’re kept up to date on their vaccinations, that they stay away from crowded spaces during cold season - but they contract meningitis when they’re five, and the resulting virus very almost kills them. treatment, after, is rigorous. neither tony nor pepper want to lose them.

by extension, they’re also a very SHELTERED child. their parents are over protective by nature, and they allow it, no matter what seeds of resentment begin to grow, in those earliest years. they know that they only want the best for them, that they only want to see them right - they know that their father isn’t scared of anything as much as he is afraid of losing any of them, and they know that their mother isn’t all that different. they wish that things were different, but they settle into a routine, regardless. 

to the outside world, the stark’s are the perfect family. they’re rich. they’re genetically blessed. they have EVERYTHING they could want, and they never even have to think about it. morgan is a shining jewel, from the moment that they turn around on their way into a convention center, hand in daddy’s, and wave. every so often, a story will run in the tabloids surrounding the stark kids - when the paparazzi come searching for photos, morgan always plays up for the camera. when they’re old enough, they seem to have a natural born talent for knowing what to say. they’re a stepford child in a stepford family, and they never let the image slip.

they do everything, to be perfect. to never let their parents down. to be everything that they WANT them to be, and then some. they’re in a dozen clubs. they’re on a dozen teams. they excel in school with god given talent, and they seem to be surrounded by friends, at every turn. they’re well behaved and well spoken, they know exactly how to act - and yes, over time, they become quite self obsessed. they’re told all the time how beautiful they are, how intelligent, and they have a neverending stream of people to keep them on their toes. in school, people below them think that they’re quite rude. that they’re a bitch, a rich, spoiled, stuck up kind of bitch - but the truth is, they just don’t think. they don’t go out of their way to be anything, really, and that thoughtlessness follows them.

they only let themselves slip when teenage hormones come into play. they'd never really acted upon the feeling, deep down, of pressure - they had never done anything to step over the line. there were expectations upon them and there were things that they had never been allowed to do because of who they were, but they loved their parents, and they let them have that control on their life ; they STILL did, even as they began to rebel. by day, the perfect child. by night, a steady descent. it was so painfully easy for morgan to find the party scene, and begin experimenting. alcohol and drugs, sure, but the real problem came when morgan began to discover her sexuality. they just wanted to know what it felt like, the first time that they strolled up to a boy at a party and kissed them. they just wanted to know what it felt like, the first time that they led someone upstairs. they just wanted to try it.

and then the strip turned pink. they were sixteen. they were no longer PERFECT. even if they never said it, morgan felt as if they could feel the disappointment, radiating from their parents. they scrambled to know what to do, and for a chunk of those nine months, struggled with the idea of growing up and letting go. they did what they thought was right, they found a willing family, a perfect one, and they made all the necessary arrangements to hand the baby over when the time came. and then their pregnancy got difficult, and on bedrest, they spent a lot of time simply... talking to their bump. and when they woke up after their c section, and were offered the chance to see their kid - they didn’t want to let it go. they didn’t want to say goodbye.

virginia marie stark, soon to be known as gigi, wasn’t always wanted. but all of a sudden, she was. and morgan wasn’t letting her go. 

they were terrified of disappointment, of being seen as a failure. they never told their parents that - they just moved themselves and gigi out of home, eight months after her birth, and pushed away the people they should have stayed closest with before they had the chance to do it to them. they felt like it was easier. actually, it was worse.

and they grew up. as out of bounds as it had once been thought to be - they did it, because they had to, because they realized that they could. 

SECTION TWO OF TWO : WANTED CONNECTIONS

im going to include the like, long ass actual wcs at the bottom, but : the father of morgan’s kid is MOST wanted, right now ! my personal favorite way that the connect could go is that gigi’s father is actually someone who was teenage morgan’s closest friend, someone who she experimented with, who she was wholly comfortable with. they probably have suspicions, but maybe don’t realize even now ! 

past flings from their teen years are ALWAYS wanted, especially since they were something that morgan really indulged in - but i’m also completely open for current flings, or more recent exes. love ? in this economy ? nah

( similarly, more info down below ) i wld love the prospective parents of gigi that morgan disappointed bc that was a dick move on all parts and wld be such juicy drama, now

definitely wld love an ex group of “”best friends”” who , y’know - were just a rich kid squad causing trouble, that morgan lost contact with / got ostracized from upon her teenage pregnancy

genuine ! friends ! made ! in ! the past ! six ! years ! the first GENUINE friends morgan ever made - preferably people she didn’t know before, but who they met and got super close with upon moving out of the fam home

oh also their older siblings - there are two spots and i wld LOVE to see them snagged because... also... drama

i think it makes most sense for morgan to be living off campus, so a roommate wld be neat - they could be one of her genuine friends, or they could b someone that they dont really know that well. open to anything ! 

MORGAN STARK, our LYRICA OKANO fc, is looking for a EX FLING / ONE NIGHT STAND / FATHER OF HER CHILD connection who looks like ALEX FITZALAN, CHANCE PERDOMO, FINN COLE, DREW RAY TANNER / PLAYERS CHOICE, who is 21 - 23. you DO have to contact prior to applying at PARABCLLUMS or DISCORD. ( one word : yikes. the thing is. the father of morgan’s kid doesn’t… know that they’re the father of morgan’s kid, though they absolutely COULD have their suspicions. i think there’s like… a bunch of directions in which this could go. once upon a time, morgan was… only the prime and proper kid of tony stark and pepper potts, and yeah - her fall from grace came in the form of a teen pregnancy. she was rebelling, and that led to her becoming a bit of a party girl. she made mistakes. she dated around. she had one wrong one night stand, and she ended up pregnant [ later giving birth to virginia marie stark, also known as gigi ]. her life was completely derailed, and when she chose not to put her kid up for adoption, it seemed only to get worse. she had no desire to derail anybody else’s life, too, so she never did. no matter what rumors were thrown around by friends or by tabloids, she never said who the kids dad was - and it really could have been anyones. a best friend. an otherwise enemy she made one bad call with. a friends boyfriend! someone she shouldn’t have been with, someone she felt something for… as i said. limitless potential. we can talk ! )

MORGAN STARK, our LYRICA OKANO fc, is looking for a JUNO STYLE connection who looks like PLAYERS CHOICE, who is 30+ YEARS OF AGE. you DO have to contact prior to applying at PARABCLLUMS or DISCORD. ( i don’t know what to call this. basically : when morgan was sixteen, she got pregnant. it was a scandal perfect for tabloids all across the world, and nothing could have outdone it - except for when she disappointed the prospective adoptive parents of her kid by backing out, upon gigi’s birth. all the way along, they would have been given the impression that morgan was going to hand over the baby to them. all the way along, she DID intend on doing so. things only changed when gigi came into the world, and morgan continues to feel horrific about what happened to this day… though she’s not really good at expressing that. )

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, LINA! You’ve been accepted for the role of TROILUS with an FC change to Henry Golding. Admin Rosey: I am absolutely HOWLING. So, when I was writing Troilus, I was having an amazing time -- he’s so nuanced and seemingly superficial, but there are so many detailed facets that contribute to his happy-go-lucky attitude. He’s so utterly disarming and charming that, from the interview alone, I couldn’t help but swoon over him. Your development for him promises so much, from the sought-after revelation of Celeste’s infidelity to turning him into a hollow and hungry creature. I’m absolutely over the moon to be putting my precious boy into your hands, Lina. By all means, ruin us all. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Lina. Age | 26 Preferred Pronouns | She/her Activity Level | 5 – Med school honestly wipes the floor with me most days, so I can’t promise daily activity but as I’ve said before, I promise consistency and communication. I’ll request a hiatus if needed, and I won’t disappear or drop-out without warning.   Timezone | Finally back in EST (UTC-5:00) Current/Past RP Accounts | —

In Character

Character | Tomas Sabello -> Could I request an FC switch to ether Henry Golding or Godfrey Gao? I love Bob Morley to pieces but I’ve used him as an FC for long enough that I really struggle to dissociate him from the role I played. I think Henry fits Tomas’ gentle disposition best, but Godfrey has more versatility in terms of acting roles/expression which seems more in line with the mood in Verona and what he may eventually become… I dunno! I’ll leave it to you guys to choose the preferred alternate FC in the event that I do get accepted. I’d be happy working with either one.

What drew you to this character? | I really liked how opposite he is to Viv, honestly. He’s so enamored with emotion, and despite the fact that he’s an actor by trade, he’s an open book when it comes to anything that inspires feeling within him. I think Tomas loves the idea of love to such an extreme that there’s no thought to guarding himself from it. No amount of pride could keep him from offering his heart up, not even the threat of rejection. He takes and he takes, but he also gives to the people around him, indiscriminately; even to the most insignificant of passersby who’ve touched his life or inspired his creativity in some brief, ephemeral way. While Viv absorbs and safeguards whatever light she finds, Tomas reflects it freely back into the universe, and I really like that dichotomy.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character?

*∆* - Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s oblivion: I’ll keep this point short and sweet; I want Tomas to find out about Celeste’s infidelity and for his heart to get absolutely shattered in the process. It could be sooner, later or whenever, but I think we’re all holding our breaths for that to happen in the story, and I’d love the opportunity to portray that.

*∆* - To fight one’s nature is a losing battle: This is a plot contingent on the arc of his relationship with Celeste and details pertaining to their marriage (how long it takes for him to find out she’s cheating on him, what they do with that information, if they divorce, etc.). But essentially, I’d like to show Tomas’ struggle with his own fidelity because in his bio, he strikes me as the sort of character that doesn’t settle on one lover easily. And he loves Celeste with every inch of his being and right now that’s what’s keeping him faithful, but I think that even if her infidelity isn’t revealed, eventually Tomas will start to feel the strain. He’ll notice the little signs along the way that hint that she doesn’t quite love him the way he loves her. I think those would put cracks in the marriage even if Isabella wasn’t in the picture. I’d like to explore those, and how little micro-tensions crop up in chronic relationships when one partner feels like they’re pulling all the weight. I want to dig into that and cast the lens on a quietly troubled relationship, and I want to see how far it pushes Tomas in response. Does he grow colder?  Does he seek intimacy elsewhere? Does he fall into the same temptation and cheat on Celeste, whether physically or emotionally? Let’s find out!

*∆* - Any way the wind blows: I’ve always imagined Tomas to be the unsettled sort, in all senses of the word. His loves have always been transient and fleeting, his decisions (both in leaving Rome and marrying Celeste) seem rash and impulsive… I think capriciousness is a trait of his that extends to all facets of his life. So one headcanon I have for him is that now that he’s on sabbatical from acting, he’d want to try his hand at something new. Activities or careers that he gets excited by every few weeks and actively chases until something changes and then he drops the ball and moves on, certain he’ll find his luck elsewhere. I think it’d be interesting to see him get into all sorts of mix-ups while catering to this instinct, and maybe unintentionally making himself a nuisance to other characters in their line of work in the rp. Just this over-excited dude picking up positions and then dropping them as if life’s his own picnic… It’s definitely going to rub some people the wrong way and I’m here to see it happen!

*∆* - The hardest of hearts:  … I’m intrigued by Tomas’ deep resentment of Roman Montague. His bio implies that it’s his acting experience which primes him to look at Romeo as if he’s also an actor, playing a part he doesn’t deserve. But I think it goes deeper than that. I think canonically, even, Tomas’ character seems to have a lot in common with Romeo from Shakespeare’s original, or at least, the earliest version of Romeo that we see. Lovelorn and lackadaisical, an innate predisposition for goodness, and yet undoubtedly leaving lovers a little carelessly in his pursuit of love, etc. So the way I see it, beyond his judgment of Roman as being unfit to rule, I think Tomas doesn’t like him bc he sees in Roman all of the same flaws he recognizes subconsciously in himself. It’s always easier to see our flaws through a mirror. I’m interested in seeing how far Tomas would go to spite Roman in order to avoid having to confront himself. The fact that Celeste is still tied to the Montagues would also be a continuous dilemma for Tomas, who dislikes both mobs. Depending on what plots come up, I might even entertain the thought of getting Tomas tied up in Capulet business, with the singular goal of bringing down Roman Montague.

*∆* - … Destroys itself in the end: In his bio, it’s alluded that Tomas took from both his parents when it came to his nature. He loved as frequently and as persistently as his mother, but destroyed those in his wake as surely as his father; leaving his path littered with broken hearts. I want to see that side of Tomas again. Except this time, instead of it being an accident of youth and of too much ignorance, I want it to be intentional. I feel like heart-break would leave him hollow and hungry, and I want to experience that side of him. I think his capacity for hurt is almost equally potent to his capacity for love, and that’s what makes him such a compelling character in my eyes.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Through a well-developed plot, yes.

In Depth

These interview chairs are always so stiff that Tomas has to wonder whether it’s intentional. Maybe it’s to keep him from falling asleep, but he’d never do that. He likes giving interviews for the most part. Of course, it was easier in his early twenties; when he had very little in the ways of a filter but was blessed with the circumstances in life that permitted him to get away with it. Oh, and an adoring audience. That always helped of course. These days, as a married man in a new city, he has to be more careful with his tongue.

That doesn’t make him any more careful with his smiles, however. And right now he’s aiming one of his most brilliant at the interviewer who’s already started asking him questions. They’re three minutes in, but she hasn’t returned any of his good cheer so far, and that’s uncommon. He’s remembered all his pleasantries, he’s been considerate enough in opening doors and waiting to be seated - but still, nary a smile. He doesn’t mind too much, but it makes his job so much more enjoyable when they do. And as a result, Isabella Gagliano is both a damper and a challenge. But before Tomas can engage her into lowering her defenses, she’s presented him with the next in a series of fan-chosen questions.

“What is your favorite place in Verona?”

”The Two Gentlemen. Certainly the best bottle of pinot grigio that I’ve ever had.” Tomas tells her, lips pressing together as sweetly as the juice from those sticky wine grapes. “You wouldn’t be remiss either if you tried the risotto al tastasal. That’s a real recommendation, you know?” He stage-whispers with a grin, “Off-the record.” But if Isabella takes note, he can’t tell.

The truth is, it’s a lie. A white lie, he consoles himself, because sometimes, the truth is too heavy a price to pay. The truth is that his favourite place in all of Verona is the recently abandoned Multisala Rivoli. It’s a cliche, he knows, an actor finding his second-home inside of a rundown movie-theatre. But it isn’t for the movies that he goes, nor out of any misplaced vainglory. Rather, it’s the promise of nondescript privacy that draws him like a bee to to honey. There, he can meet his new friends beyond the prying eyes of the media. There, he has a clandestine spot to escape the humdrum of the city for a few hours, alone with his thoughts. But it’s not a truth he’s ready to share, and moreover, the Montagues will like this answer better. It’s a nod to their territory; a little more promotion for their best-boasted restaurant. He refuses to join them, he refuses to share in their cause, but maybe sliding in such harmless tips will convince them to lay off of Celeste’s case and stop pressuring her to pressure him to join. Truth and politics don’t mix. Every time a video begins recording, Tomas is well aware of that. But above all, an actor must always remember his part.

“What does your typical day look like?”

“What, like a twenty-four hour play-by-play?” He asks playfully. “No one’s that interesting,signorina, I promise. I remember I was asked a similar question in an interview two or three years ago. I think it was for Sorrisi e Canzoni? Or maybe GQ…. Either way, it was a much more exciting answer back then. Plays, parties, private jets… ” Tomas reminisces fondly, but not fond enough to want to trade it in for his present. “I hate to disappoint, but it’s not the same anymore. I’m a married man on sabbatical now, remember??” He says, directing the question towards the camera before letting his gaze find Isabella once more. His life is quieter now, but happier too. “Not that it’s boring by any stretch. I’d recommend marriage, actually. I know it’s done wonders for me! But if I start talking about her and all the ways she’s changed my routine everyone will be rolling their eyes and complaining about cavities before this interview’s over.” Tomas chuckles, thinking of the myriad of ways his daily life has become synonymous with Celeste. What time she wakes, what time she leaves, when she comes home or when he gets to persuade her out of the house on little dates… He has a life outside of Celeste to be sure, but it’s only around her that he’s really reminded of what he’s working towards. Like Eros and Psyche, he thinks. He loves, but she sets fire to his love and gives it true sustenance. A future, a family, a very happy ending - That’s all he wants these days.

“What has been your biggest mistake thus far?”

He laughs at that, taken aback by the girl’s directness. “Is that really what it says on your sheet??” He cocks a brow, leaning forward as if to sneak a peek. “Damn… That’s harsh.” Sometimes, his fans seem like tiny mosquitoes; hungry for every teeny-tiny drop of his blood as they submit questions as invasive as these. “I have to think about that one…” Tomas admits with a bemused shake of his head. “I try not to think of my experiences as mistakes. Even the ones that might feel like it initially. Everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it? Don’t you believe that?” He looks to his interviewer as though hoping to coax another answer out of her, but she doesn’t indulge him. He’s always preferred dialogue to monologue, despite his choice of career. It takes an exchange of ideas to see the world through new lenses, and he can’t do that while talking continuously about himself. But another pensive, stolen glance at Isabella tells him that she probably won’t care what his answer is, so long as he gives one. He could make it up right here on the spot - something like ‘I’ve started a third gang in Verona to spite the Mobs‘ or ‘I kicked a dog once’, and she probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash. He wonders why. He wonders why she’s so determinedly expressionless.

“Do you play Poker?” Tomas asks without warning. He hadn’t meant for that to come out of his mouth but somehow it does and it takes another laugh and a wave of his hand to dismiss it. “Sorry. But you could! It’s impressive actually - in a good way. To answer your question, I think I’ll have to keep this one to myself.” It’s apologetic but firm, because his biggest mistake is failing his parents. Of all the roles he’s played thus far, that of ‘son’ has always left him most wanting. He couldn’t fix their marriage. He couldn’t inspire their divorce… To this day, his adulterous mother and destructive, ill-tempered father remain tethered to each other. Two rusting anchors, weighing themselves down to the bottom of the sea-bed… Most days, Tomas tries hard not to think about it. But there are some moments, moments when he’s feeling low, that he wonders if he’s responsible for their unhappiness; wonders if he couldn’t have done more to help them find happiness, along the way. Today is one of the predetermined no-thinkdays though. The days he’s giving interviews always are. “Sorry about that… Got anything else on your nifty list?” He prompts her, hoping to move on to a happier topic.

“What has been the most difficult task asked of you?”

This question too, gives him pause. More than he’d like. There’s the shadow of fleeting suspicion as he steals a glance at Isabella, wondering if they’re posing these questions on purpose to throw him off. But what cause would a reporter have to do that? You’re being silly,he chides himself, mulling over the question. Again, he knows the real answer.

Commitment.

It isn’t easy to choose a single person in this life, Tomas thinks. To narrow his expansive romantic inclinations and promise them to one individual and one individual only. But it’s a choice he reminds himself of every morning when he wakes up, when he cracks an eye open only for his gaze to fall on the familiar comfort of Celeste’s blazing red hair, like a halo around her cherubic face. It’s a choice he must remember when he’s comparing paintings with Juliana and hears the clear-bell tone of her laughter echo in the museum. A choice he must remember when his fingers find the soft, unwritten skin beneath Santino’s wrist as they look for stars in a midnight sky. A choice he recalls even as he listens to Paola recount the tales he’s missed in her life; eyes dancing with ferocious passion and he thinks what if, what if…

… But it’s a struggle he dares not reveal. It would insult his beloved wife, it would make a mockery of the vows they took in front of that altar, all those months ago. Worse still, it would surely garner derision from the audience, especially from his most die-hard fans; some of who still count on the failure of his marriage in order to regain the bachelor fantasy they’d attached to their idol. But idols were effigies of gold and silver. He was not an idol, he was a man of flesh and blood and feeling. Do you understand?… You will never understand me like she has, he wants to rebuke them. But there’s an old fondness that he can’t help when it comes to those who loved him first. And so his countenance softens as he answers the reporter’s question. “The most difficult task for me, has been leaving behind all my loved ones in Rome. My friends, my family, my fans…” He presses his fingertips to his lips for a moment before waving them towards the camera, sending the kiss to those who’ll hope for it most, when the interview airs tomorrow night. “I send my love, and I’m humbled by your continued support.”

“What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?”

“It’s-… It’s insanity.“

Now the Montagues won’t like that. But he feels the answer so strongly, and with so much conviction that he thinks the glassy brightness in his eyes would betray him anyway. Some lies are too big to swallow, even for an actor. “Brutal and unnecessary - do they even remember what they’re fighting for?” He asks Isabella, though he thinks she’s probably no closer to answering that than the other Veronesi. “You know, the stories say that it’s been so many decades now that no one knows any more… Isn’t that silly? To fight over something that you can’t even remember?” But deep down, Tomas knows it’s not that simple. Because mobs don’t need an impetus; not when there’s so much profit to be made in criminality. All the rest is just stories, to play on the sympathies of a winsome public. He should know… He played on that same, guileless sympathy, night after night after night on a front-lit stage. But art is one thing, war is another. And Celeste is tied up in this war, much as he hates to think about it.

“Maybe I’ll go back to Rome one of these days,” Tomas announces abruptly, shifting upright in his chair. There’s an ardent gleam in his eyes because he likes thinking in maybes. They’re so much more satisfying than the limitations of what is or isn’t strictly possible. “I’d like to take my wife with me. She’s never been… Can you believe it?? Never been to Rome… We could start there, then maybe a tour of Europe. Maybe a second honeymoon. I’m sure she’d like that.” He doesn’t know if that’s true, he doesn’t know if he can ever return to Rome, but it has a romantic ring to it nonetheless. And when has Troilus ever been able to deny the sweet-nothing whispers of romance, even as a city tears itself apart around him?….

Never, he thinks… Not even then.

——————————————-

(Thank you for Reading!!)

[fmdjoosungarchive]

fmdmeme001

yes, i’m late. at the bottom, there are pictures of the asks i got for this meme back then, so you know i’m not cheating

what is your favorite single you’ve released?

“if it’s just about what single i like best as a song, i think it’s hola hola. i’m quite partial to more upbeat, summery songs. it’d probably be hola hola for what makes me happiest too, because it reminds me of officially debuting, and i was really excited back then! but i liked the concepts for you in me and bomb bomb the most. you in me has more of a story to it which i like, and bomb bomb makes us look really cool.”

what are your favorite b-sides/non-title tracks you’ve released?

“overall one of my favorite songs we’ve ever released, b-side or not, would be living good. it’s the song i’ve had the most hands on approach in creating, and i’m always wanting to give back to the fans and show them our love. if it’s strictly about sound, though, i think it would be trust me, in any which version. it’s the closest to the kind of music i’d like to make for myself some day.”

what is your least favorite song (title track or b-side) you’ve released?

“ah, i don’t think i have a least favorite? i love all of our songs! if i had to choose a song, it’d be bomb bomb. it was really nice to get to have a comeback and for it to do as well as it did, but it’s the furthest song we have from what i’d normally listen to. it’s a bit harsh for me.”

if you could do a duet with anyone in the industry, who would you choose?

“anyone? gosh, um, i’d do a duet with all of my idols if it were up to me. maybe [gold star soloist 1]? i’ve been a fan of her as long as i was into music, so about ten years now. i’d like to do a soft duet about love where i get to sing. she’d sing way better than me, of course, but i don’t mind being upstaged, especially by her.”

what do you think of your/your group’s concept?

“it’s really cool in my opinion! a lot of what we do has been very different from other groups, and in some ways, it’s worked in our favor. when the company told me i’d be representing the water element, i thought that was fun because i love swimming and the beach. and i think it fits with our fans a lot too, because they represent the world, and so do we, in a way.”

what is one thing (a concept, a genre, an outfit, etc.) you would least like your company make you do?

“i... don’t want to come off ungrateful to the company or the concepts that they come up with but, i would really not like to kiss anyone. i don’t mind romance concepts, and i think it can be fun, but there’s something different about being that intimate with someone. i’ve only shared romantic kisses with one other person in my life, and i’d like to keep it that way. i suppose i can’t choose what happens to me, though.”

what one thing (concepts, genres, styling, frequency of comebacks, etc.) would you like to change about your current career as an idol?

“only one thing? um... i don’t like the way the company leans into my looks, but i think more important than that is the frequency of comebacks. we had a very powerful debut, which gave us the momentum, but we’ve somewhat lost it, and i think part of that is because we don’t have comebacks super often. it’s not as fun listening to a group’s discography when they only have a small number of songs.”

if you could be in any idol group, which one would you choose?

“knight. ...was that too quick of an answer? i don’t hide that i’m a big fan of bc groups, and though i love decipher and charm, they’re getting up on becoming a ‘senior group’ now and still have an incredibly strong fanbase. but if gender wasn’t an issue, i’d go with wish. i don’t like playing favorites, but wish is definitely my favorite group these days. i love their concept and every song is great in my opinion!”

if you could say one thing to your ceo, what would it be?

“i’m not very confrontational, so i don’t think i’d be able to say much beyond thanks and bowing. truthfully, i knew her better as a trainee than i do now. but, if i didn’t have to say it to her face, i’d like to kindly express that i don’t think competition is the way to build a successful company, because if they put more behind groups like us, maybe we would be more successful. but i don’t like the business oriented mindset, so, i’m biased.”

if you were auditioning for your company today, what would you perform for your audition, or what would you change from your original audition?

“i’d change everything from my original audition! i had no idea what i was doing at the time because i’d never had any training in the arts. i know at the time i was passed through because i was scouted based on my looks, but if i did it today, i’d rather wow them with my dancing, probably to an impulse or origin song, since that would be what they’d be looking for from me. i’d like to say i would sing for them as well, but that’s still a few years off, i think.”

if you could do any special stage, what would it be and who would it be with?

“it would probably be performing bemyfriend with @fmdseyeon! it’s the first song i’ve officially released outside of element, and it would be a lot of fun to do with one of my best friends. we have good chemistry because of it, and i think, especially if we had some say in the stage, or the choreography, it could be a really fun stage to do together. i’m also always up for dancing more, and who better than a man who used to fall asleep in the practice room as trainees with me?”

what career opportunities would you like to pursue that you’ve yet to, or what achievements would you like to obtain that you’ve yet to?

“i’d like us to get a music show win. i don’t know if it’s in the cards for us, but maybe if the korean public start to like us more it could happen? i’m not sure... um, personally? i don’t think there’s much i haven’t pursued that i want to, as i’ve been trying to do more of that lately. i’ve liked what i’ve been doing as i create songs and choreography, though. it makes me happy.”

if you could become a model or ambassador for any brand, what would you choose?

“hmm, maybe for a cute character i like? like kkt, or hello kitty. or! a bookstore! that would be really cool. i don’t think bookstores have ambassadors, but i love books so i’d be knowledgable enough for the gig. that sort of branding stuff isn’t big on my mind, though.”

if you could be on any variety show, which one (or which type of one) would you want to be on?

“i really love kids, so if it were a current show, i’d like to be on the return of superman. stuff about kids makes me miss my nephew a lot, but i love meeting new people, especially kids! they’re all so nice and good, and the world needs more of that. but if i could choose one that isn’t on air anymore, i think hello baby would fit me better, and it’d be fun to do it with the rest of element! we’d make good parents.”

if you were offered the chance to become a ceo of an entertainment company, new or existing, would you take it? why or why not?

“that’s a bit of a difficult question. i don’t think so. i’d like to think that i could be a fair and understanding and kind ceo, but i wouldn’t like the job. i left my home for music because i didn’t want to be in a business position. i’m not very good at having the strength to win deals and be cunning in meetings, and i think when it comes to competing against all of the other entertainment companies from the ground up, you’d need a lot of that.”

what changes would you implement if you were the ceo of your company?

“again, i don’t like the thought of being a ceo much. it’s too much pressure. but, if this were a scenario where i didn’t have any holds barred, and could make decisions as i pleased, i’d let all of the artists contribute to the music as much as they wanted, so long as they were willing to be vetoed and work with experienced professionals. i’d treat everyone equally, and use idols not based on what will make the most money, but on what they are the most passionate to do.”

what do you do to relieve the stress of idol life?

“i take baths! it’s not always an option, especially when we’re out of the country and a hotel room doesn’t have a bath, but i love it! there are so many relaxing scents to waft through the room, and it’s generally relaxing to let your muscles decompress in warm water. besides from that, though, i like talking with my friends and reading.”

what tips would you give to a trainee about to debut?

“am i the best person to ask this? i’m unsure, given element’s debut was so unconventional. i have a hard time thinking of our debut being in 2017 because it feels like it was in 2016. but, um, drink well, eat well, and look after your health. no matter how much you want to push yourself, you can’t be productive if you go too far and get hurt. you’re a person at the end of the day and deserve to treat yourself kindly.”

what was the hardest part of being a trainee?

x

did you enjoy the lifestyle of a trainee or of a debuted idol more?

“both have their ups and downs, and i don’t know if one outweighs the other. maybe debuted idol? there was some sense of accomplishment and less worries over whether i would be kicked from the company, especially in the beginning. nowadays, i’m not sure. i think it doesn’t matter in the end, because they’re connected, and i couldn’t have been an idol if i didn’t go through the training, and similarly vice versa.”

what one song or album by another group or soloist would you have liked to release yourself?

“i think... @fmdtaeyong‘s album daydream? i’m not a very talented singer, but the sounds is something i would like for myself. that’s part of why i admire him as an artist, because i love the songs he creates. if i needed to stick to something more within my position, though, it’d be @fmdjaewon‘s biorhythm album, for a similar reason as ash sunbaenim’s. we may not have gotten along much in the past, but i have always admired him as an artist and would love to work with him in the future if that is the kind of music he enjoys.”

describe your dream sub-unit (members and concept).

“can’t i be a part of wish as a sub-unit? ...alright, um, if i really think about it, i’d want to have people that i think are very talented, and work well separately and together. [gold star soloist 1] would absolutely have to be a part of it. then, maybe @fmdxsuji. her vocal power is intense. @cindyfmd too, they both have the similar punching power that could contrast with [gold star soloist 1]’s soft vocals. and then, if we choose another rapper, probably [silhouette main rapper/lead dancer]. and that way, they make a very solid group, and i can step back more and have less lines, if any at all. i don’t think one singular concept would work for us, so maybe it could be like fuse or 7rophy where we can bounce around to whatever feels right.”

out of the following six options, would you rather be allowed to play a major hand in the lyrics, production, choreography, styling, music videos, or concepts you release?

“gosh, that’s really hard. i’d like a part in at least most of those if it were totally up to me. but if i could only have a major hand in one, i think i’d choose production, if that could mean production and composition in one. as much as i love dancing, i think a lovely part of the community of dancers is learning from one another. when it comes to the sound of a song, i think that’s the biggest point in what drive’s the rest of those things. like, in element, people think of us as summery and tropical because many of our songs use tropical beats, and a lot of our styling and concepts have followed that.”

which of the two other companies (out of bc, dimensions, and gold star) you are not currently signed under would you rather be an artist in?

“definitely it’d be bc! i have friends under the company that don’t like it, which i understand but... they make really good groups. many of them have stayed together for a really long time, some without losing members in so long, and they have a lot of money and fame to back up new groups. they get the best of everything for their comebacks. and i’d... like to be a part of a company that believes in me and my group.”

what is your least favorite part of being an idol?

“the way fans talk about me and my friends. i think they think we don’t, or can’t, see the mean things they say, but so many of them are mean for no reason. they like to do this thing where they fight each other over who is a fan of the better idol? i don’t understand it, and it never gets anywhere. they both leave with the same opinions they had, but more upset.”

what is your favorite part of being an idol?

“this may sound cliche, but it’s music. the art surrounding music is the reason i auditioned for the company, and the reason i spent eight years working as hard as i could to debut. music, and the things that come with it, like dancing, singing, composing, they’re all a part of my soul. i wouldn’t give any of them up without a fight.”

would you rather be incredibly famous with a terrible reputation and hated by most or be fairly unknown with a good reputation and adored by those who know of you? why?

“fairly unknown! that’s probably the answer more close to where i am now. i am... known, of course, but in korea, i can generally get away with going out on my own and not being recognized. and, unless i’ve missed something, i’m pretty sure i have a good reputation. some people may see me as a playboy of sorts because i have a lot of female friends, but it’s not damaging as far as i know. i don’t want people to think terribly of me, because i think if there are so many people who have that awful opinions of me, i must be doing something wrong.”

what moment in your career are you proudest of so far?

x

what have you learned about yourself and/or society since becoming a celebrity?

“i don’t know if i’d necessarily call myself a celebrity... but i’ve learned a lot since our pre-debut! time does that to anyone, i think. the standards i hold myself to have changed, in that, while i’m still competitive against myself, i know i can’t push myself to the point of tearing more ligaments, because it only hurts me later on. in my personal life, i’ve become a bit different. i think some of my naivety has drifted away, and as i’ve come to find love, i’ve changed there too.”

what would you like to change about how society views or treats idols?

x

[ruberduckzilla]

So to deal with work stresses I started “Writing” a little story. To be honest I had finished a binge play of Tomb Raider, Rise of the Tomb Raider and Uncharted NDC, 4 and LL. So it practically reeks of some similar themes and Stargate Atlantis/Disney Atlantis. Cause why the fuck not. I decided to share a page with y’all cause, well why not? I’d love to hear everyone's feedback. And a special thank you to @theobnoxiouswordsmith​ for his input, feedback and advice. So I share with you the story prologue. Hit that keep reading button to read on.

                                           Atlantic Ocean, 14,000 BC.

Vesta walked out onto the balcony and watched as the Skyrangers patrolled the city from above, the air was filled with the sweet smell of Oricallium Petals that glided in the crystal blue skies, she could hear the people below celebrating. As Vesta turned around she noticed her handmaiden was in the room. “Your majesty” the handmaiden looked nervous, she was still new to the position and had not yet grown accustomed to her role in the Palace. “Your father would appreciate it if you would wear the gown he had selected for you.” She presented an ornate box on the bed, made of oak, lined with brass and orichalcum. Vesta approached it, not entirely certain as to what her father had selected, and truth be told, she knew she would likely find the dress repugnant.

As she opened the box she noted the age of it, the box had indeed seen better days, but it had been remarkably well maintained. As she opened the box she saw the dress her father had selected. It was a long blue gown with a transparent lace that gave the illusion of wings under the arms. It was adorned with gold thread and jewels. She recognized the dress.

“Grandmother’s coronation gown?”, she was confused but not surprised. This dress was a symbol of her people. It was handed down by the Goddess Alyssa herself to the first Queen.

Over the generations it was passed down the family line to each princess as sign they had come of age and were deemed ready to be the next Queen.

Vesta paused for a moment before trying it on, she sensed something was not right. But she was quick to dismiss it in her excitement. For at last she had been deemed worthy of leading her people.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the palace the King and Queen were in council with the cities Arch-Mage and the Court Enchanter. “My lord, my lady. We are not sure as to the cause of these events. All the major schools have sent their best to investigate why our lands encounter such quakes. The priests at the Temple of Qi’Tezh proclaim it is a message from the Old Gods.”, the King scoffs and dismissively waves his hand at the notion of such a thing, “Preposterous. Our Empire has endured a thousand years and will endure a thousand more.” standing, he looks down upon his council, his eyes glowing a cold steel blue, “You will end these threats to my land or face the consequences”. The room fell into silence, its occupants uncertain of the future they may be facing. But the worst was yet to come.

“My lady Vesta!, my lady Vesta!” the sound of clicking heels upon marble filled the hallway. “My lady Vesta please wait!”. Vesta turned her head, her grandmother's gown flowing in the air as if she was ethereal. She gazes upon the familiar face she sees running after her. Persephone, her Companion. An older woman entrusted with Vesta’s safety, education and future.

“Persephone. My mentor.”, Vesta’s voice was always soft and mild mannered around Persephone, something that annoyed her as it was not befitting a future queen to be so. “What is it that worries you so that you chase me down like a wild Kanta beast?”

Persephone takes a moment to catch her breath before speaking, “My apologies, your majesty. It is simply that you neglected one final duty before leaving your chambers.” she reveals a small crystal box from behind the longer half of her gown, “A token. A Gift of sorts.” Vesta inspects the box with great intrigue. The box appears to glow in the light surrounding them, as she opens it the box lets out a mild chime. Inside is a gemstone designed to be affixed upon a circlette. Vesta’s eyes open in awe of its beauty and craftsmanship. “Persephone? Is this Moonstone? It is most beautiful.”

Persephone smiled as she attaches it to the circlette Vesta is wearing. “My dear it is known as the Luna Dawn. A stone passed down from each Queen of Altaea. It has been in my care since your birth.” Vesta appears confused for a moment, if it is just a stone then why give it to someone else for guarding?, “I do not understand. Why was it given to you to guard?”

Before Persephone is able to respond the silence between them is broken as the Arch-Mage calls to them from down the hall. His deep voice sending a verbose chant that echos between the orichalcum pillars like a small child that has eaten too much sugar.

“Coming!” Vesta cried. She understood the ceremony was close to beginning, “We can speak more of this at a later date my dear. Go, your parents are waiting.”

As Vesta turns around she noticed the water of the indoor fountains tremble, in the old days it would of been considered a bad omen. But with recent events she has come to expect them.

As she approaches the doors to the Balcony she can already hear the music and chants of her future subjects. Today’s her 18th birthday and the day she takes her place as Heir to the Altaean Throne. But also a bittersweet day. She pauses at the door, looking down at her shoes and quietly says to herself “Protect me dear brother. For I am not ready to take on such responsibility.” As she looks up she sees her hand tremble slightly as it rests upon the door, she inhales sharply and frowns at the door. It is time to greet her people.

The sound of thunderous applause and cheers fill her ears as she exits onto the balcony. The air is sweet with incense burning below on the braziers that illuminate the palace doors. The music barely audible above the roars of the people. And the light of the noon sun blinds her as it reflects off the metallic roofs of the city, causing it to glow brightly with gold and orichalc red.

“My people!”, the King cries out as he gestures downwards with his palms to silence the crowd. “Today is a joyous day. A day of celebration. Today is the day we celebrate Princess Vesta as she turns 18 and takes on the roles and duties that come with it.”

Silk banners baring Vesta’s crest fall from above, Pegai fly above the city, their wings soaring with grace and elegance. City mages fire ice bolts into the sky that shatter and fall, refracting light on the way down and filling the palace grounds with a thousand miniature rainbows.

As Vesta steps up to the balcony edge she feels her throat close up, nervous, afraid. As she goes to speak the city is suddenly shaken violently. As Vesta looks up she sees the sky burn, the sun brighter than ever before. As she steps away she feels her father's hand pull her in, the city continuing the shake around them. As she gathers her barings the sounds of all her people screaming fills the air. Mages run in all directions attempting some sort of ritual. As she looks back up towards the sun she sees a wall of water racing towards the city, one by one it destroys districts like the tide against a sandcastle.

As it approaches the inner city she buries her face into her father's chest as her mother shields her. But nothing comes. As she looks up she sees the Mages sustaining a magical barrier against the might of the ocean. The world around them sinking beneath the waves. As the sun fades into darkness she is taken away, deep beneath the palace to a room lit by crystalline structures. The Heart of Altea. The Birthplace of all of Altaea’s fortune, magic and life. Without so much as an explanation she and her parents are placed into sarcophagi. Afraid and confused she trusts her mother's words that she hears in her mind like a whisper, “Be Strong my little star.”.

As she listens she finds herself falling asleep. The sound of growing crystals encompassing the sarcophagus fills her mind as she falls asleep.